It’s
happened again—a pastor has committed suicide. In this day of social media,
news of such tragedies travels quickly, especially since these stories have a
certain shock factor to them (“A pastor? Really? How could that
happen?”).
Since
many people might be wrestling with what to think in response to such news, I
thought I’d write out a few thoughts that could serve as a guide for your
thinking. This post is by no means a comprehensive discussion of suicide,
anxiety, depression, counseling, or any other related issues, so please don’t
read it as the last word on any of those subjects. I am also writing generally
in this post—I’m not trying to analyze why any particular pastor may have
committed suicide.
Here
are a few thoughts for you, in the format of some do’s and don’ts.
DON’T
be astonished
You
might be thinking to yourself, “How could a pastor reach such a point of despair?
You guys draw close to God all the time through the Word and prayer.” Yes, we
do—and who could possibly do that so often without being frequently reminded of
his own failures and sins? Many times as I read the Bible I’m reminded of a sin
I need to forsake or a virtue I need to develop—and I read the Bible a lot! A
pastor can end up feeling like Isaiah when he had a vision of God in Isaiah 6: “Woe
is me! I am undone!”
Pastors
face two related temptations as we go about our ministry. The first is
desensitization. This is when Bible study, preaching, prayer, counseling, etc.
become all-too-routine, too commonplace. Someone said it well: “He is most
unholy whose hands have been cauterized by holy things.” (I would gladly give
credit for that quote if I could just remember where I read it!)
The
second temptation is despair. This is when the whole process of ministry
becomes too raw, when our every act of ministry is like re-opening a fresh
wound. When this happens, we give our own failures too much weight and the
grace of God too little.
Pastors
are like all Christians in this regard—we must build our identity on the work
of Christ and constantly seek refuge in Him. It is a tricky balancing act to
deal with your own sins and insecurities while developing a genuine confidence
to lead others at the very same time. And as we all know, maintaining balance
in life is a challenge.
DON’T
be discouraged in your own struggle with suicidal thoughts
If
you struggle with suicidal thoughts, it may be very easy to think, “If a pastor
gives in to those thoughts, what hope do I have?” You look up to pastors—and that’s
not inappropriate according to Hebrews 13:7: “Remember your leaders, those who
spoke to you the word of God. Consider the outcome of their way of life, and
imitate their faith.” Pastors are supposed to be spiritually mature, and so
generally speaking they will be setting a good example. But spiritual maturity
is not the same thing as being perfect. Pastors still have temptations and
struggles, and we don’t always respond to them in the best of ways.
Also
remember that each person’s struggle has unique details to it. I suspect you’ve
heard examples of pastors embezzling money from their churches, but you
probably didn’t think, “If a pastor does that, what hope is there for me to
avoid stealing from my employer?” The difference in your response could be in
the details—some pastors have considerable access to and influence over church
funds, whereas you may not have much access at all to your business’s finances.
Due to this difference in details, you don’t despair when you hear about a
pastor committing that act of theft.
So
if you struggle with suicidal thoughts, there could be significant differences
in the details of your struggle versus those of any individual pastor, so don’t
despair! Don’t lose confidence or give up hope on the basis of someone else’s
choices.
DO
acknowledge that suicide is sinful
As
we seek to deal compassionately with anyone who is contemplating suicide, I
fear we face the temptation to stop short of calling it a sinful act. I don’t
believe the Bible allows us to evade that conclusion. Suicide is an act of
murder, even if the perpetrator is also the victim.
We
should acknowledge that suicide is a sin, but at the same time we must resist
putting it in a special category of sins and making it worse than all others.
Suicide is not an unpardonable sin—the Bible never calls it such, nor does it
hint that murder is unforgivable. Some people have thought that suicide might
be unpardonable because you don’t get a chance to ask forgiveness for it before
you meet God, but this view is built on a faulty understanding of salvation. Our
salvation is not based upon our faithfulness to ask forgiveness for every act
of sin we ever commit. And thank God that it isn’t, because who among us could
have any assurance of salvation on that basis?
So
if someone commits suicide, we ought not damn that person to Hell in our words
or thoughts (I should also add that we should not use the threat of going to
Hell as a counseling tactic to encourage someone not to commit suicide). But we
can and should still acknowledge that suicide is sinful. Though it sounds impossible
to modern ears, it is possible to acknowledge that an act is sin yet still
maintain love and compassion for the person who has committed it or is considering
it. This is the delicate but necessary balance that a Christian must maintain
in any discussion of suicide.
I
will say it again—don’t read this post as the final word (not even MY final
word) on suicide, depression, counseling, or any related topics. But if it
stimulates or even clarifies your thinking in some way, I am grateful to God.
