The New Testament occasionally refers to believers as soldiers who are in the midst of a spiritual battle. Sometimes, Christians take that metaphor of fighting a bit too literally. Every so often, we stumble across a story in the newspaper about some people who got into a fistfight at church. Sometimes tempers flare after a board meeting or a congregational meeting, and sometimes people bring their own differences into church with them, but these stories always make headlines because of the sheer irony of a fistfight breaking out in a place that is supposed to promote love and forgiveness.
Charles Colson writes about one rather extreme church fight in his book Being the Body.* This particular church had grown to the point where they needed to expand their facilities. In the past they had raised funds for improvements through things like bake sales, but their new pastor informed them that they needed a fundraising plan that was much more ambitious. So, he decided to introduce some friendly competition into the situation by dividing the congregation into two groups to see who could raise the most money. These two groups then decided that they would compete by hosting weekly bingo nights and inviting their friends.
The bingo nights quickly became a popular attraction around town, and before long the church was pulling in about $7,600 a week for their building project. But with that kind of money coming in, accusations of theft and embezzlement started flying back and forth, and tensions in the church reached a fever pitch. It all came to a head one night when the police had to be called in to break up a brawl that had broken out between 50 church members who were fighting each other with broken beer bottles!
Now I hope that none of you have ever witnessed a fight like that in a church—let alone participated in one! But we all know that disagreements and arguments are sadly far too common in churches everywhere. We might be pursuing love and forgiveness, but we don’t always practice it, do we? So how can we resolve conflicts between church members when they come up? This is the thought that I want to focus on today:
How can we resolve arguments that may come up within the church?
Turn with me if you would please to Philippians 4:1–3. In these verses, Paul is going to address the issue of a disagreement that has come up between two women in the church at Philippi. So far in this letter, Paul has repeatedly urged the Philippians to stand united with each other, and he probably had this particular situation in mind the whole time. And now, as Paul turns his attention to this matter, he gives us three helpful lessons about how to resolve arguments that may come up within the church. Let’s see what he has to teach us [READ 4:1–3].
So how can we resolve arguments that may come up within the church?
I. By cultivating a sincere affection for each other (v. 1)
Paul sets the example for us in this area through the description of his feelings for the Philippian believers in v. 1. Notice the way that he describes them. He writes, [READ v. 1]. What a beautiful picture of the affection that should exist between believers! Notice how Paul twice refers to them as “my beloved,” as if he wants to make sure that they don’t miss that point. He also refers to them as “my brethren,” which is the biblical way of thinking about each other. The people around you in these pews aren’t just people who happen to attend the same church that you do—they are your spiritual brothers and sisters, which reminds us of the affection that should exist between us.
Then Paul tells them that he longs to see them. How often is that our attitude when we come to church? How often do we find ourselves longing to see the other people in our church? Most of the time we’re probably just longing for the kids to get their jackets on and get in the car! Or maybe we’re just longing for our Sunday nap before we try and tackle another long week.
But can you imagine the spirit that we would have in our times of worship together if every time we met, we were like long-lost friends being re-united? Think of the joy that we would have if we would allow the Lord to train us to long to see each other! Perhaps we should all take a minute every Sunday morning to pray to God and say, “Lord, you know my frame of mind this morning. You know that I’m distracted by this, that, and the other thing, but please help me today to turn my focus toward other people. Please give me a heart-felt desire to worship you with my brothers and sisters and to do what I can to encourage them.”
I think an attitude like that would certainly help us avoid the arguments that we might be tempted to have with each other. Or at the very least, it would minimize the intensity of our personal disagreements with each other so that we could allow more things to just roll off our backs rather than escalate into a fight.
So we can solve arguments that may come up by cultivating a sincere affection for each other. And second, we can solve arguments that may come up…
II. By remembering our common ground in Christ (v. 2)
Euodia and Syntyche apparently had their differences at the time of Paul’s writing, but that hadn’t always been the case. In v. 3, Paul wrote that both of these women had shared his struggle in the cause of Christ. They had apparently worked together effectively before, and they still had so much common ground spiritually that there was no need for them to be at odds with each other.
Now from our vantage point so many years removed from this situation, we really have no way of knowing exactly what had come between these ladies. It probably wasn’t a dispute over doctrine, because Paul was never shy about correcting people that he felt were promoting error. And notice that Paul doesn’t single out either woman as being primarily at fault—he repeats his command to each of them.
In doing so, Paul reminds us of the biblical process of resolving conflict with another believer—whenever disagreements or offenses occur, both parties involved should seek to take the first step to make things right. If you sin against a Christian brother or sister, you should be willing to take the first step to repair the relationship. As Jesus said in Matthew 5:23–24, “If you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering.” If you need to confess your sin to someone and ask for their forgiveness, that is priority number one—even over other acts of worship!
But likewise, if you have been sinned against, you should also be willing to take the first step to repair your relationship. Let us hear the words of the Lord Jesus once again, this time from Matthew 18:15—“If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother.” Obviously, that is not an easy step to take; we must “speak the truth in love” as Ephesians 4:15 says. We must not go into such a conversation in anger or with an air of superiority. Instead, we must approach such a conversation in humility, with a genuine desire to repair our broken relationship. This is a step that we must take if we have been sinned against, particularly when we start to feel the temptation to be bitter and resentful toward the other person. We cannot allow such feelings to fester in our hearts. We must not give in to the temptation to say, “Well! If so and so wants to be my friend again, let them come and beg for my forgiveness.” That attitude is nothing but pride on our part.
Now notice what Paul was specifically asking Euodia and Syntyche to do—he asks them to live in harmony in the Lord. His language here calls to mind his command of 2:2, where he said [READ 2:2]. Normally when we get into arguments within the church, its either because we’re not acting in love, or we’re pursuing the wrong purpose. Sometimes we just plain fail to act in a loving way toward each other, and that understandably causes division and strained relationships.
But at other times, we start to pursue the wrong purpose in church. Perhaps we start to get a selfish focus, and our primary purpose is no longer to simply serve God, but to get our own way. Everyone has their own ideas about what the church should be doing and how the church should operate, and if other people don’t immediately recognize the genius of our ideas, its easy to get offended. And when that happens, we may continue to push harder and harder for our ideas, not because we’re still focused on simply serving God, but because now we want to get our own way.
But no matter what may cause divisions in the church, we can get ourselves back into the right frame of mind by remembering the common ground that we have in the Lord. In v. 3, Paul stated that these women had served together effectively before. I can hear him saying, “Remember the good times of ministry that you’ve enjoyed together before! You can work together—just turn your focus back to serving God.”
But I think Paul mentions the most important piece of common ground at the end of v. 3, where he states that Euodia and Syntyche and Clement and the rest of his fellow workers all have their names written in the book of life. They were all born-again; they were all children of God, and someday they would all enjoy the peace and joy of heaven together. And if that’s true for them—if that’s true for us in our church, can’t we get along with each other today? Can’t we put aside the petty differences that we face from time and time and live in harmony? The next time you find yourself at odds with another believer, picture yourself standing beside them in heaven, singing together the praises of God for all eternity. Doesn’t that make our differences today seem pretty small by comparison?
So we can solve arguments that may come up by cultivating a sincere affection for each other and by remembering our common ground in Christ. And finally, we can solve arguments that may come up…
III. By helping each other overcome our differences (v. 3)
In v. 3, Paul asks a third party to step in and help these two women resolve their differences. It’s not clear to us today exactly who Paul was addressing in this verse, but he asks this individual to step in and get involved. Notice that he doesn’t ask Euodia and Syntyche to seek out help—he speaks directly to the third party and asks this person to get involved.
This request may strike us as being a little strange, because we live in a culture that prizes individuality and privacy. In our society, we tend to think that our lives are no one else’s business, and we resent it when we feel like people aren’t “minding their own business.” But within the church, we are supposed to act like a family, which means that we need to help each other resolve our arguments and disagreements.
The Bible calls us brothers and sisters, so we can compare the church to an immediate family. Within an immediate family, everyone is affected when two members are fighting with each other. Other members of the family may feel pressured to take sides, and overall there will be a lack of peace and an increased level of anxiety.
But within that family structure, the other members do feel like they have a right and a responsibility to get involved and help resolve the conflict. And within the church, we should have the same mindset. If two members of our church are fighting, that is the church’s business! We are not intruding if we seek to help. The rest of us should offer our help to resolve the conflict, particularly those who already have a close friendship with the people involved. If we turn a blind eye and say “It’s none of my business,” we are not practicing love toward each other.
And it may be quite obvious by now, but with each principle that we have just looked at, a tremendous amount of humility is required to carry them out. If two believers find themselves at odds with each other, it takes humility for one to approach the other and seek to make things right. And for those who would seek to help two Christian brothers or sisters make peace with each other, it takes tremendous humility to step into that situation with love and fairness rather than partisanship and heavy-handedness.
But if we will carry out these principles, we can restore peace with each other when disagreements arise. As much as we might hope that we will never be at odds with another believer, we are all still imperfect. We still struggle with sin, and so we might find ourselves in precisely the same position as Euodia and Syntyche. But if we will cultivate a sincere affection for each other, remember our common ground, and allow others to help us when need be, we need not allow our disagreements to linger. Instead, we can resolve our differences and enjoy peaceful fellowship with each other once again.
*Charles Colson and Ellen Vaughn, Being the Body (Nashville, TN: W Publishing Group, 2003), 69–71.
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