Pastor Tommy Nelson has often told a story that I would like to share with you today. There was once a man who visited an African tribe who lived by a beautiful river. As this man started to meet the people in the tribe, he began to notice that many of them were missing limbs—some were missing hands, some were missing feet, and some were missing entire arms or legs. Not wanting to be offensive, the visitor waited to ask anyone about this until he was alone with the tribe’s leader. “Sir, why are so many of the people in your tribe missing limbs?” The leader responded, “We live beside this beautiful river, but it is filled with crocodiles. Many of our people have been attacked while bathing.” The visitor asked, “What has been done to warn people about this? Have you talked about a plan to protect yourselves?” But the leader responded, “In our tribe it is very awkward to talk about crocodiles. It is considered impolite and embarrassing, so we just don’t talk about it.”
Pastor Nelson tells that story to highlight the way that he believes the subject of sex is often handled in churches. Many people in our pews have been hurt by sexual sins, yet we consider it embarrassing to talk about sex, so we just avoid the subject.
But when we read the Bible, we discover that God is not embarrassed to talk about sex. An entire book of Scripture—the Song of Solomon—is dedicated to the romantic relationship between man and woman—including the sexual relationship. The book of Proverbs doesn’t allow us to avoid this subject either. Nearly three full chapters of Proverbs are devoted to this subject—particularly to the subject of overcoming sexual temptation. Talking about sexual temptation has never been more appropriate for the church, especially now that almost all of us have the world’s largest adult bookstore pumped into our homes over an internet connection. More than ever, we can use some sound advice on dealing with sexual temptation.
How can we overcome sexual temptation?
We’re going to look primarily at Proverbs 5 today, so why don’t you turn there with me. As we look at this chapter, remember that this part of the book was written by a father teaching his son, so his warnings are directed against a seductive woman. But these verses can just as easily apply as warnings to a woman, so ladies, you can read them in that light.
This chapter gives us four insights that will allow us to overcome sexual temptation.
I. Recognize its deceptive nature (5:1–6)
Sexual temptation talks a big talk, but ultimately it cannot deliver the ecstasy that it promises. This is described beginning in v. 3 [READ v. 3]. That’s a very picturesque description of this woman’s seduction. The “forbidden” woman is literally translated “the strange woman” and the idea is that she is a stranger to the morals of God’s people. She does not follow the ethical standards of God’s community, and thus she represents a forbidden temptation.
But she knows how to bait her trap! She makes her seductions sound very desirable, and that’s the nature of sexual temptation—it seems so appealing up front. After all, it wouldn’t be very tempting if it didn’t appear pleasant. And so magazines and websites promise beauty like you’ve never seen, or an affair promises excitement, or a boyfriend promises undying love and affection.
But the substance of sexual sin is nothing like the appearance. It’s like opening a box of chocolates to find dog food inside! The aftermath of sexual sin is bitter, painful, and depressing. Verse 4 says [READ v. 4]. Wormwood is an herb that (obviously) has a very bitter taste, and certain parts of the plant are actually poisonous. So with sexual temptation, you’re promised passion, but you get poison!
We have to remember this when we are confronted by sexual temptation. We must keep a long-term, “big picture” perspective on life. Sexual sin looks so good at the moment, so if we only think about the moment it will be far too easy to give in.
Verse 5 says [READ v. 5]. Under Old Testament law, the penalty for adultery was death. We may not face the same legal penalty for sexual sins today, but we are still risking our lives! We may become the target of someone’s revenge, or we may contract a disease that could be deadly—if not deadly for ourselves, then potentially deadly for future children that we might have! That’s a terrible price to pay for something that isn’t even as good as advertised!
II. Keep yourself out of tempting situations (5:7–14)
Look at vv. 7–8 [READ vv. 7–8]. Verses like this may have been in the Apostle Paul’s mind when he told the Corinthians to flee from sexual immorality (1 Cor. 6:18). The best way to deal with sexual temptation is to stay away from it—to get away from it when it comes up and to keep ourselves out of situations that we know could be potentially tempting. You do not want to stand toe-to-toe with sexual temptation and try to beat it!
The reason for this is because sexual sin is so dangerous. It can ruin you like nothing else. According to vv. 9–14, it can steal your honor, your money, your health, and your position in the community. Follow this with me [READ vv. 9–14].
We cannot afford to mess around with something that is so dangerous. In practical terms, the wise thing to do then is to set boundaries in our lives that will help us avoid sexual temptation as much as we can. This calls for boundaries in the way that we deal with the opposite sex. We need to be careful about what we discuss with each other and how we joke with each other. I once heard about a man and a woman in a church who were both married, but they often joked about running away together. The man would say things to the woman like, “When are you going to dump that bum and run away with me?” Everyone around them got a good laugh because they were just jokes, but one day the woman and her husband started to have some tough times in their marriage, and the woman called this man and said, “When you’ve told those jokes, have you ever been serious?” And the man said, “Maybe,” and they started an affair that destroyed both of those marriages. Those jokes planted a seed in the mind, and when that seed was watered by some marital troubles, it became a weed that destroyed two marriages.
We should also structure our lives so we’re not alone with members of the opposite sex. Teenagers, remember this whenever you get romantically involved with someone. Stay in public places; spend time with groups; communicate with your parents if you’re going to be driving alone together.
We also need to be very careful about what we allow into our minds. We have resources today that can keep us very safe from stumbling across sexual content in movies or online. You can go online today and find out about sexual content in a movie before you watch it, which means that you can make a well-informed choice NOT to watch a movie with nudity or sexual content. You can get very effective filters for your internet service that will block most pages with sexual content from coming up. Ultimately of course, sexual sin is a matter of the heart, but these practical boundaries can keep us out of tempting situations.
These boundaries can also help us protect the relationship that really CAN deliver on its promises.
III. Cultivate a passionate love life with your spouse (5:15–19)
As much as God says “no” to sexual sin, His answer to your love life at home is an even louder “yes!” Look at vv. 16–17 [READ vv. 16–17]. Here the father uses the metaphor of water to talk about the sexual relationship because water is refreshing and satisfying. It meets a strong desire, just as the sexual relationship does. Then he continues in vv. 18–19 [READ vv. 18–19]. Wow! Yes, I’m still reading from the Bible up here! I didn’t switch out some other book on you! That sounds better than walking the path to death, doesn’t it?
Supposedly, in Victorian England, couples were told that the sexual relationship was simply their duty to provide soldiers for the empire. I don’t know how true that is, but I certainly don’t think that’s God’s perspective! God created sex, and He made it not to be a duty but a delight. His desire for you and your spouse is that you would thoroughly enjoy this gift that He has given you. He encourages this for your joy and for your safety, so that you will have a strong defense against sexual sin.
Sex is just like fire—when fire gets out of its proper place, its destructive and deadly, but when its in its proper place, its wonderful. It provides heat, and light, and comfort. Sex is the same way—outside of marriage, it destroys, but within marriage it is pleasant and satisfying.
Friends, this is the message that we need to pass along to our children as well. Don’t just say no, but say no because something so much better is on the way! Saving yourself for marriage is like saying no to a candy bar while you’re on your way to Thanksgiving dinner at Grandma’s! Something better is on the way—just wait for it! Then when you arrive, go back for seconds!
IV. Remember that God sees your actions (5:20–23)
If you’re married and you engage in sexual sin, remember that you’ve violated two relationships—your relationship with your spouse, and your relationship with God. Let’s read vv. 20–23 [READ vv. 20–23]. One of the dangers and one of the appeals of sexual sin is that is feels so secretive. You have something going on that no one else knows about—but remember, God always knows. As David wrote in Psalm 139, “If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,’ even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.” We cannot keep God from knowing about our actions. There is no door that can keep Him out, no delete button that can keep Him from knowing, no cologne that can hide a strange perfume.
I think this insight is particularly important when we consider the temptations of pornography. People are tempted to think that viewing pornography is a rather innocent sin since it doesn’t involve an actual relationship with another human being. But indulging lust like that is still a violation of God’s Word, and thus it strains our relationship with Him. And honestly, it cannot help but strain our relationship with our spouse as well, even if he or she doesn’t know about it. How can you have a free and unhindered relationship with your spouse when you’re hiding something like that? Even if your spouse never knows, God does, and our relationship with Him will be hurt because of it.
Also, notice the contrast in the imagery from nature in vv. 18-23. The woman is compared to a lovely, graceful doe—in other words, she is like the beauty in nature. On the other hand, sexual sin is compared to a hunter’s snare—in other words, it is the danger that has been introduced into nature by man. Thus, when you’re faced with sexual temptation, the choice is between beauty and a trap—an enjoyment of the good of what God has created, or an indulgence in the evil that has perverted God’s creation.
When we consider the dangers of sexual temptation, the stakes are so very high. How great is it that we have a book like the Bible that gets down into the nitty-gritty of our lives. This book addresses the real-life issues that confront us every day, and it shows us the way of wisdom, the way of righteousness and godliness, that will help us overcome temptation and draw closer to God.
Sexual temptation is very strong in our world, but it has been strong in our world ever since the Fall. We are not unique in our battles against this sin; in fact, the Captain of our faith, Jesus Christ, has faced such temptations and has overcome. Now He stands ready to help us do the same. The words of Hebrews 4:15–16 ring true: “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
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