There’s a little poem I’ve heard that describes life in the church, and it emphasizes the difference between life in heaven and life on earth. It goes like this—“Living above with saints we love, oh that will be glory; Living below with saints we know, well, that’s a different story.” That is a sad but true commentary on living life together as Christians, isn’t it? We’re kind of like a bunch of porcupines walking around with our quills stuck out, and every so often we bump into each other and cause some hurt and pain.
But this reality isn’t just limited to life in the church, is it? This is true of every part of our lives. Conflicts, disagreements, fights, feuds—these things are all just part of relationships in our fallen world, whether you’re talking about friends, family members, church members, book club members, sports teams, booster clubs, co-workers, the ladies in the quilting society or the good ol’ boys over at the Elks Lodge! Wherever you have two people interacting with each other, you have the potential for conflict.
I’m sure we’ve all lived through some conflicts that were handled well, and some that we’re not handled so well, and perhaps you’re still living through the fall-out from a conflict that blew up on you. So how can we end up in that first category? How can we do our part to handle our conflicts in a godly way? Conflicts are going to come, and they’re not necessarily bad things in our lives if we handle them in the right way.
Today we’ll look at what Proverbs has to say about this, and we’ll answer this question together:
How should we respond to conflict with others?
I. Resolve the Conflict as Soon as Possible (17:14)
The best time to resolve a conflict is immediately—before it puts down roots, before it blows up and takes on a life of its own. Look at Prov. 17:14 [READ 17:14]. The picture in this verse is of some kind of container that springs a leak. That kind of problem will never get better on its own—it will only get worse until its solved. In our day and age, we can think of dam that starts to fail. The whole thing might be destroyed if the problem isn’t addressed immediately. Allowing a conflict to remain unresolved is like allowing a wound to remain exposed to the elements—there is a great risk that it will become infected and get even worse. Conflicts have a way of getting worse even if we’re not trying to make them worse! For example, many times we deal with conflict by simply ending our relationship with the other person. Sometimes we announce this to them and everyone, but more often we don’t. We simply stop talking to the other person, and thus we think we have kept the conflict from getting worse. Sometimes we even pat ourselves on the back at this point and say, “Well, its sad that the relationship had to end, but at least we’re not fighting anymore!”
But sooner or later, the people around that relationship start to notice, and they may start to talk, and that talk may turn to gossip, and that gossip may lead to people taking sides, and before long a whole family or a whole church is destroyed by the weeds of a conflict that we thought we had buried. So we must deal with conflict through confession, repentance, and forgiveness, and we must do it right away before it gets any worse.
II. Realize the Folly of Having a Quick Temper (12:16, 14:29, 15:18, 16:32, 19:11, 29:11, 25:28)
Many conflicts get worse in a hurry because one person or both people lose their temper. Some kind of conflict comes up and its like a match fell into a powder keg because someone loses their cool and blows up. According to Proverbs, this is an extremely foolish way to respond to conflict. You might be surprised at how often Proverbs talks about this. Look at some verses with me [READ 12:16, 14:29, 15:18, 16:32, 19:11, 29:11, 25:28].
I want to talk about that last verse for a moment. In those days, every moderately-sized city had a wall around it to protect it from attacks. If its wall was broken down, it would be vulnerable and defenseless. So the picture from this verse is that if you can’t control yourself, you are vulnerable to attacks from temptation. You are easy prey for Satan because you don’t have the proper defenses in place.
Sometimes we try to play down our responsibility for our tempers or shift the blame to others. We might say that we just can’t control ourselves or that other people “shouldn’t be so sensitive.” A lady once came to evangelist Billy Sunday and tried to rationalize her angry outbursts. “There’s nothing wrong with losing my temper,” She said. “I blow up, and then it’s all over.”
“So does a shotgun,” Sunday replied, “and look at the damage it leaves behind!”1 We can try to downplay angry outbursts all we want, but the reality is that they do tremendous damage.
So what should you do if your temper is out of control? First, you need to ask for forgiveness from people that you’ve blown up on in the past. Whether that’s your wife, your kids, or your co-workers, they need to know that you acknowledge that what you did to them was wrong. Second, you need to realize that controlling your temper will only happen as you grow spiritually. That is a process that must start today, before you face any other conflicts. There really aren’t any tricks or techniques that are going to save you in the heat of the moment. You’ve got to build up the walls around your soul, so you’re no longer vulnerable to that temptation. Galatians 5:23 says that the Holy Spirit will produce self-control in our lives, but we must walk by the Spirit. We must live in dependence on the Holy Spirit to help us make our choices and to help us learn how to think about life and how to respond in godly ways. Then we can avoid making conflicts worse by blowing up when we face them.
III. Respond with Love, not Hatred (10:12, 25:21–22)
Proverbs 10:12 says, [READ 10:12]. If we allow hatred to enter our hearts and fester there during a conflict, it will only make things worse. Our focus will be on destroying the other person rather than reconciling with them. Instead, we must respond with love, because love seeks to put the matter to rest rather than stir it up and make it worse. Love makes us willing to confess our sins if we have done wrong, and it makes us willing to offer forgiveness if someone else has wronged us.
In his great description of love in 1 Cor. 13, the apostle Paul says that love is kind, and Proverbs offers a great illustration of this kindness in Prov. 25 [READ 25:21–22]. Love does not respond by attacking an enemy or by taking advantage of his weaknesses; rather, it responds with displays of kindness. The picture of heaping burning coals on your enemy’s head speaks of the shame and conviction in a person’s conscience which could be stirred up by such acts of kindness.
So love asks the question, “How can I put this matter to rest?” Instead of adding fuel to the fires of conflict, love seeks to starve the flames so that they will be extinguished.
IV. Watch Your Words (15:1, 17:27)
It’s so easy to let your mouth run wild during a conflict, but that will only make matters worse. Here’s what we should do instead [READ 15:1, 17:27]. Notice that that last verse ties our words together with something else we just talked about—keeping your temper under control. Those careless things that we say when we lose our temper can be the most painful part of a conflict. Sometimes they can take on a life of their own and overshadow the original problem! We can forget what we were even fighting about in the first place. Our words are like the winds that turn a campfire into a forest fire.
There are all kinds of ways that we can make a conflict worse with the things we say. We can attack a person’s character, their intelligence, their motives, even their upbringing (“You’re just like your mother!). We can exaggerate their faults and minimize our own; we can even generalize their faults with statements like “You always act this way!” or “You’re never going to change.”
This can be another area where we think to ourselves, “People just need to stop being so sensitive. They just need to realize that I don’t mean these things that I say. I’m just letting off some steam.” Friends, we can’t put the blame on other people for taking offense at the things we say. The problem is ours, not theirs. And we need to remember that everything we say comes from the heart, so every word that we speak is an expression of our true feelings. So when we say these cruel things, its because deep down inside we really do mean them! We might embellish them or exaggerate in the heat of the moment, but all of these hurtful things we say contain at least a kernel of our true feelings. That’s why they are so hurtful; they’re not just empty words! They are the fruit of a root that reaches into the heart.
V. Don’t Launch a “Cold War” Against the Other Person (10:18)
Do you know what I mean by this? I’m talking about those situations where you refuse to talk to someone else, or you may talk to them but you refuse to admit that anything is wrong. Look with me at Prov. 10:18 [READ 10:18]. These verse talks about two activities. The first is when you conceal your hatred for someone by the things you say to them. Maybe you flatter them or you just act like nothing is wrong. That’s what I mean by a “cold war”—you’re not openly expressing your hatred to the other person, but you’re still hostile toward them even if you won’t talk to them about it.
The second activity in this verse is uttering slander. Basically we’re talking about gossip here. Sometimes we’re not willing to talk to the person we actually have a problem with, but we’re more than willing to talk to everyone else about it! Gossip is another way of indirectly attacking someone. We may not be calling the person names to their face, but we’re trying to get everyone else to share our feelings toward them.
I hope its obvious that neither of these activities constitute a healthy way of dealing with conflict. We can so easily fool ourselves into thinking that this is a better way to handle conflict, but the simple fact that you’re not openly fighting with someone else doesn’t mean anything. The United States and Russia never technically fought a battle during the Cold War, but no one would say we were on friendly terms. We cannot openly or secretly harbor hatred for someone else if we want to have any hope of reconciling with them.
VI. Remember How Hard it Can Be to Undo the Effects of a Fight (18:19)
A poorly handled conflict can stay with you for the rest of your life. Prov. 18:19 says, [READ 18:19]. This proverb is so honest. God does not want us to harbor grudges against each other, but sometimes, that’s exactly what happens, and those grudges can be very hard to overcome. How many times have we seen families permanently divided over a poorly-handled conflict? Or church members separate forever over a petty issue that exploded?
The devotional book Our Daily Bread once recorded the last will and testament of a man who carried a grudge against his daughters to the grave. It read, “Unto my two daughters…by reason of their rebellious attitude toward a loving father, …I leave the sum of $1 to each and a father’s curse. May their lives be fraught with misery, unhappiness, and poignant sorrow. May their deaths be soon and of a lingering, malignant and torturous nature. May their souls rest in hell and suffer the torments of the condemned for eternity.”2
How terrible it is to read those words, but that kind of soul-polluting hatred can be the end result of a poorly-handled conflict. Conflicts don’t have to end up that way; they don’t have to blow up or result in hatred and estrangement. But if we’re going to bring a positive outcome out of a conflict, we have to follow God’s principles. We have to do things God’s way, and as you can see with some of these principles, we have to work on these things now, before conflicts come up. So let’s ask the Lord to carve these principles into our hearts so that we will be ready the next time a conflict comes up.
1. From http://bible.org/illustration/anger-shotgun Accessed 3/23/11
2. Our Daily Bread, February 18, 1994, as recorded at http://bible.org/illustration/father%E2%80%99s-will Accessed 3/23/11
Monday, March 28, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Watching Our Words--Proverbs series
Mark Twain once said, “The difference between the right word and the nearly right word is like the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.” If that’s the case, then we need to be very careful when choosing our words! Words are very powerful—just ask anyone who has been saved by reading the Bible, or anyone who loves poetry. When was the last time you read a book you just couldn’t put down? Chances are for many of us, it wasn’t that long ago. Words are powerful—we’ve known it since we were kids. Remember that playground philosopher who said, “Sticks and stone may break may bones, but words will never hurt me?” When do kids usually say that little rhyme? After they’ve already been hurt by someone’s words! They’ve already been hurt, and they’re trying to play it off. In reality, that little rhyme should probably go something like this: “Taunts and jeers will bring me to tears, but stones will only bruise me.”
Words are very, very powerful! The Bible attests to this fact in several places, but none more so than in the book of Proverbs. Proverbs has a lot to say about “the tongue” and the way we use it to speak to each other. Its teaching is summarized nicely by Prov. 18:21—“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Our words have tremendous power to do a lot of harm or a lot of good, and however we use it, we will have to deal with the consequences. Today I want to direct your attention to four types of speech that are mentioned in the book of Proverbs so that we might get a better picture of how to use our words. I think we will see how important it is for us to harness the power of the tongue for the right kind of speech.
I. Lying
Proverbs talks about several different types of speech, but the activity that it reserves the harshest condemnation for is lying. Look at a couple of verses with me [READ 6:16–17, 12:22]. The word “abomination” is a very strong word, and the fact that Solomon uses it to describe lying puts this sin in some pretty bad company. Other sins that are said to be abominable to God include homosexuality (Lev. 18:22–30, 20:13), idolatry (Deut. 7:25), human sacrifice (Deut. 12:31), engaging in occult activities (Deut. 18:9–14), practicing ritual prostitution (1 Kings 14:23 and following).
This seems like a very harsh view of lying, and it is, but it really makes sense when we realize that lying is the antithesis of God’s character. Titus 1:2 tells us that God cannot lie, and Hebrews 6:18 says it is impossible for God to lie. God is not capable of it; in fact, Jesus said that Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44). So when we lie, we’re engaging in satanic behavior; we’re acting the way that Satan acts! No wonder God finds it abominable!
So we must ask ourselves, then—why do we commit an activity that is so reprehensible to God? If He hates lying so much, why do we do it? Well, there are many reasons why we lie, and Proverbs deals with several of them. We might lie for personal gain, but notice what Prov. 21:6 has to say about that [READ 21:6]. Sometimes we lie to try and get something. We might lie at work to get a promotion or a raise, or we might lie at school to get a good grade or a scholarship, but Proverbs says that this is a “fleeting vapor.” Whatever we gain through lying could immediately evaporate when our lie is uncovered. The verse also calls such lying “a snare of death.” As we’ve noted in our Proverbs series before, at that time the death penalty was assigned for a wide range of crimes, and lying under oath in a courtroom was potentially punishable by death.
That brings up another reason that we might lie—we might lie in order to hurt someone else. Prov. 24:28 envisions a courtroom setting, and it says [READ 24:28]. In this verse, Solomon was warning us about lying in order to damage someone in a court case. Most of us may never even be in a situation like that, but we can hurt people with lies in other ways. We might spread a false story about someone else in order to damage their reputation, or we may “exaggerate” certain facts in order to paint them in a negative light.
We might also lie to try and save ourselves from harm, but notice what Prov. 12:19 says about this [READ 12:19]. There’s some real irony here—we might lie to try and keep ourselves safe and secure, but in reality we have put ourselves on a shaky foundation. Lying really has the opposite effect; it actually exposes us to more harm and danger.
God says that truthful lips will be established, and when that comes from a God who cannot lie, I think we can trust Him. The bottom line on lying is found in Prov. 26:28 [READ 26:28].
That last verse connected lying with another type of speech mentioned in Proverbs, and that is flattery.
II. Flattery
Flattery is quite similar to lying, though they’re not exactly the same. Lying usually denies the truth, while flattery distorts it. It puts a bit of a spin on the truth, usually by exaggerating it or embellishing it. Because of this, flattery is also condemned in the book of Proverbs. Solomon frequently writes that it is characteristic of the behavior of an adulteress. He describes it as “smooth talk.” Look at a few verses with me [READ 2:16, 5:3, 6:24, 7:5, 7:21].
Solomon writes about the adulteress because he is writing from a man’s perspective, but certainly men can be guilty of this kind of flattery as well. When it happens in a romantic way like this, we call it “flirting,” and I don’t think anyone is better at this kind of flattery than high school and college-aged guys. Let’s face it guys—we love to be the ladies’ man, don’t we? It feels good to make the ladies smile and laugh. And sometimes even though we may have no intention of dating a girl, we’ll talk to her like we do. But we say, “What’s wrong with a little harmless flirting?” What’s wrong is that it can never be harmless. Flattery always hurts, because when you flatter someone, you give them a distorted view of reality. Guys, when you flirt with that girl, she’s going to start thinking things, and then she’s going to think that you’re thinking things, even if you aren’t thinking things! And before it gets out of hand, you’re forced to tell her the truth, and it crushes her because you led her on.
But flattery certainly isn’t limited to flirting. People flatter other people all the time in an attempt to get on their good side, but look at what Prov. 28:23 says about this [READ 28:23]. We looked at this verse not long ago. Notice that it does say that whoever rebukes will afterward find more favor. People don’t always accept correction very well, and that’s why its so much easier to flatter someone and just tell them what they want to hear.
But ultimately, it’s the person who rebukes that will find more favor, and why is that? Well, look at Prov. 29:5 [READ 29:5]. When you flatter someone, you’re putting them in a vulnerable position because you’re giving them a distorted view of reality. It’s like putting a pair of glasses on someone’s face that are out of focus. They won’t be able to see things correctly, and thus they might easily stumble and fall. That’s why this type of speech is condemned, and that’s why we should avoid it.
III. Hasty Speech
There is a third type of speech that is condemned in Proverbs, and we might simply call it “hasty speech.” This is essentially a failure to think before you speak. We may not think this is a very big deal, but when you consider the power of words as Proverbs describes it, you realize that we can’t afford to be careless in how we handle our speech.
Guarding our speech is a bigger task that you might think. The average person spends one-fifth of his or her life talking. If all of our words were put into print, a single day’s words would fill a 50-page book, while in a year’s time the average person’s words would fill 132 books of 200 pages each. That’s 26,400 pages of text, and it all came out of your mouth!
Among all of those words, there are bound to be some that were spoken in anger, carelessness, or haste. Look at Prov. 10:19 [READ 10:19]. Prov. 17:27 has the same idea [READ 17:27]. Notice that the end of that verse associates hasty speech with a short temper. The very next verse is one of my favorites on the subject. Look at 17:28 [READ 17:28]. Silence is connected with thinking and deliberation. It is so important that we think before we speak, because our words are so powerful. They can hurt other people; look at Prov. 12:18 [READ 12:18]. We can also hurt ourselves with our words [READ 13:3, 21:23].
Calvin Coolidge once said, “I’ve never been hurt by something I didn’t say.” When we say something, we have to deal with the consequences that our words bring about. Our words have tremendous power to hurt other people, so we must think before we speak.
The bottom line on hasty speech is found in Prov. 29:20 [READ 29:20]. Think about that for a moment—there is more hope for a fool than for the person who is hasty in his words. Remember that a fool is one who does not fear God and does not understand the way that God’s world works, but as we just read, as long as a fool keeps his mouth shut, other people might think he is wise, and he can spare himself a lot of trouble! But for the person who cannot control his words, there is little hope of avoiding trouble.
IV. Kind Words
The final type of speech that Proverbs deals with is a positive one—kind words. This kind of speech stands in contrast to everything else we have seen so far. Solomon has had nothing but condemnation for the types of speech that we have seen so far, but kind words are recommended and praised. Let’s read a couple of verses [READ 15:4, 16:24].
Isn’t it true that words can bring up emotions within us that are comforting and pleasant? They really can have positive health benefits for us as well. Another verse mentions a specific ailment that kind words can cure, and that is anxiety [READ 12:25]. When you’re weighed down by worry and fear, it can mean so much just to know that someone cares. A compliment, a kind greeting, an empathetic tone of voice—all of these things can be like medicine to the heart that is weighed down by anxiety. The bottom line for kind words is found in Prov. 15:23 [READ 15:23].
Friends, when kind words have this kind of power and benefit for others, why don’t we use them more often? We may have a friend or a loved one who means the world to us, but too often it just feels awkward to tell them that. I don’t know exactly why that is, but its sad, and I think we need to change that reality. A kind word is a very simple token of God’s love that we can give to someone else, and its impact can be huge. Now certainly we need to put actions behind our words when that’s appropriate, and the Bible tells us to do that, but kind words are a very simple gift that we can all give away every day. Whoever you are, its very, very rare that you won’t talk to at least one other person every day, and speaking kind words to that person is a very simple way to show God’s love.
We’ve looked at four different types of speech today, and you may have noticed, but the ratio of bad kinds of speech to good kinds of speech was 3 to 1. I think this tells us that it is much more common for us to use our words in sinful, negative ways rather than godly, positive ways. But let’s just keep in mind what we’ve learned. First, lying does not actually achieve what we think it will. We might think that lying is a way to protect ourselves or to get ahead, but in reality when we lie we are simply inviting more trouble into our lives.
Second, flattery is a subtle trap for other people because we are giving them a distorted view of reality. It is not kind to flatter other people—on the contrary, it is deceptive and potentially harmful to them.
Third, we have to make it a point to think before we speak. Since words are as powerful as they are, we can’t simply toss them around or blurt them around without thinking about it. That’s like casually handling a loaded gun, so if your mouth is liable to go off at any moment, you’ve got to learn to keep the safety on.
Fourth, remember that power that kind words have to do good for other people. You can help someone’s emotional and even physical well-being simply by speaking some kind words to them. If you are ever going to be quick to speak, let it be an encouraging word that will lift someone else’s spirits.
Words are very, very powerful! The Bible attests to this fact in several places, but none more so than in the book of Proverbs. Proverbs has a lot to say about “the tongue” and the way we use it to speak to each other. Its teaching is summarized nicely by Prov. 18:21—“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Our words have tremendous power to do a lot of harm or a lot of good, and however we use it, we will have to deal with the consequences. Today I want to direct your attention to four types of speech that are mentioned in the book of Proverbs so that we might get a better picture of how to use our words. I think we will see how important it is for us to harness the power of the tongue for the right kind of speech.
I. Lying
Proverbs talks about several different types of speech, but the activity that it reserves the harshest condemnation for is lying. Look at a couple of verses with me [READ 6:16–17, 12:22]. The word “abomination” is a very strong word, and the fact that Solomon uses it to describe lying puts this sin in some pretty bad company. Other sins that are said to be abominable to God include homosexuality (Lev. 18:22–30, 20:13), idolatry (Deut. 7:25), human sacrifice (Deut. 12:31), engaging in occult activities (Deut. 18:9–14), practicing ritual prostitution (1 Kings 14:23 and following).
This seems like a very harsh view of lying, and it is, but it really makes sense when we realize that lying is the antithesis of God’s character. Titus 1:2 tells us that God cannot lie, and Hebrews 6:18 says it is impossible for God to lie. God is not capable of it; in fact, Jesus said that Satan is the father of lies (John 8:44). So when we lie, we’re engaging in satanic behavior; we’re acting the way that Satan acts! No wonder God finds it abominable!
So we must ask ourselves, then—why do we commit an activity that is so reprehensible to God? If He hates lying so much, why do we do it? Well, there are many reasons why we lie, and Proverbs deals with several of them. We might lie for personal gain, but notice what Prov. 21:6 has to say about that [READ 21:6]. Sometimes we lie to try and get something. We might lie at work to get a promotion or a raise, or we might lie at school to get a good grade or a scholarship, but Proverbs says that this is a “fleeting vapor.” Whatever we gain through lying could immediately evaporate when our lie is uncovered. The verse also calls such lying “a snare of death.” As we’ve noted in our Proverbs series before, at that time the death penalty was assigned for a wide range of crimes, and lying under oath in a courtroom was potentially punishable by death.
That brings up another reason that we might lie—we might lie in order to hurt someone else. Prov. 24:28 envisions a courtroom setting, and it says [READ 24:28]. In this verse, Solomon was warning us about lying in order to damage someone in a court case. Most of us may never even be in a situation like that, but we can hurt people with lies in other ways. We might spread a false story about someone else in order to damage their reputation, or we may “exaggerate” certain facts in order to paint them in a negative light.
We might also lie to try and save ourselves from harm, but notice what Prov. 12:19 says about this [READ 12:19]. There’s some real irony here—we might lie to try and keep ourselves safe and secure, but in reality we have put ourselves on a shaky foundation. Lying really has the opposite effect; it actually exposes us to more harm and danger.
God says that truthful lips will be established, and when that comes from a God who cannot lie, I think we can trust Him. The bottom line on lying is found in Prov. 26:28 [READ 26:28].
That last verse connected lying with another type of speech mentioned in Proverbs, and that is flattery.
II. Flattery
Flattery is quite similar to lying, though they’re not exactly the same. Lying usually denies the truth, while flattery distorts it. It puts a bit of a spin on the truth, usually by exaggerating it or embellishing it. Because of this, flattery is also condemned in the book of Proverbs. Solomon frequently writes that it is characteristic of the behavior of an adulteress. He describes it as “smooth talk.” Look at a few verses with me [READ 2:16, 5:3, 6:24, 7:5, 7:21].
Solomon writes about the adulteress because he is writing from a man’s perspective, but certainly men can be guilty of this kind of flattery as well. When it happens in a romantic way like this, we call it “flirting,” and I don’t think anyone is better at this kind of flattery than high school and college-aged guys. Let’s face it guys—we love to be the ladies’ man, don’t we? It feels good to make the ladies smile and laugh. And sometimes even though we may have no intention of dating a girl, we’ll talk to her like we do. But we say, “What’s wrong with a little harmless flirting?” What’s wrong is that it can never be harmless. Flattery always hurts, because when you flatter someone, you give them a distorted view of reality. Guys, when you flirt with that girl, she’s going to start thinking things, and then she’s going to think that you’re thinking things, even if you aren’t thinking things! And before it gets out of hand, you’re forced to tell her the truth, and it crushes her because you led her on.
But flattery certainly isn’t limited to flirting. People flatter other people all the time in an attempt to get on their good side, but look at what Prov. 28:23 says about this [READ 28:23]. We looked at this verse not long ago. Notice that it does say that whoever rebukes will afterward find more favor. People don’t always accept correction very well, and that’s why its so much easier to flatter someone and just tell them what they want to hear.
But ultimately, it’s the person who rebukes that will find more favor, and why is that? Well, look at Prov. 29:5 [READ 29:5]. When you flatter someone, you’re putting them in a vulnerable position because you’re giving them a distorted view of reality. It’s like putting a pair of glasses on someone’s face that are out of focus. They won’t be able to see things correctly, and thus they might easily stumble and fall. That’s why this type of speech is condemned, and that’s why we should avoid it.
III. Hasty Speech
There is a third type of speech that is condemned in Proverbs, and we might simply call it “hasty speech.” This is essentially a failure to think before you speak. We may not think this is a very big deal, but when you consider the power of words as Proverbs describes it, you realize that we can’t afford to be careless in how we handle our speech.
Guarding our speech is a bigger task that you might think. The average person spends one-fifth of his or her life talking. If all of our words were put into print, a single day’s words would fill a 50-page book, while in a year’s time the average person’s words would fill 132 books of 200 pages each. That’s 26,400 pages of text, and it all came out of your mouth!
Among all of those words, there are bound to be some that were spoken in anger, carelessness, or haste. Look at Prov. 10:19 [READ 10:19]. Prov. 17:27 has the same idea [READ 17:27]. Notice that the end of that verse associates hasty speech with a short temper. The very next verse is one of my favorites on the subject. Look at 17:28 [READ 17:28]. Silence is connected with thinking and deliberation. It is so important that we think before we speak, because our words are so powerful. They can hurt other people; look at Prov. 12:18 [READ 12:18]. We can also hurt ourselves with our words [READ 13:3, 21:23].
Calvin Coolidge once said, “I’ve never been hurt by something I didn’t say.” When we say something, we have to deal with the consequences that our words bring about. Our words have tremendous power to hurt other people, so we must think before we speak.
The bottom line on hasty speech is found in Prov. 29:20 [READ 29:20]. Think about that for a moment—there is more hope for a fool than for the person who is hasty in his words. Remember that a fool is one who does not fear God and does not understand the way that God’s world works, but as we just read, as long as a fool keeps his mouth shut, other people might think he is wise, and he can spare himself a lot of trouble! But for the person who cannot control his words, there is little hope of avoiding trouble.
IV. Kind Words
The final type of speech that Proverbs deals with is a positive one—kind words. This kind of speech stands in contrast to everything else we have seen so far. Solomon has had nothing but condemnation for the types of speech that we have seen so far, but kind words are recommended and praised. Let’s read a couple of verses [READ 15:4, 16:24].
Isn’t it true that words can bring up emotions within us that are comforting and pleasant? They really can have positive health benefits for us as well. Another verse mentions a specific ailment that kind words can cure, and that is anxiety [READ 12:25]. When you’re weighed down by worry and fear, it can mean so much just to know that someone cares. A compliment, a kind greeting, an empathetic tone of voice—all of these things can be like medicine to the heart that is weighed down by anxiety. The bottom line for kind words is found in Prov. 15:23 [READ 15:23].
Friends, when kind words have this kind of power and benefit for others, why don’t we use them more often? We may have a friend or a loved one who means the world to us, but too often it just feels awkward to tell them that. I don’t know exactly why that is, but its sad, and I think we need to change that reality. A kind word is a very simple token of God’s love that we can give to someone else, and its impact can be huge. Now certainly we need to put actions behind our words when that’s appropriate, and the Bible tells us to do that, but kind words are a very simple gift that we can all give away every day. Whoever you are, its very, very rare that you won’t talk to at least one other person every day, and speaking kind words to that person is a very simple way to show God’s love.
We’ve looked at four different types of speech today, and you may have noticed, but the ratio of bad kinds of speech to good kinds of speech was 3 to 1. I think this tells us that it is much more common for us to use our words in sinful, negative ways rather than godly, positive ways. But let’s just keep in mind what we’ve learned. First, lying does not actually achieve what we think it will. We might think that lying is a way to protect ourselves or to get ahead, but in reality when we lie we are simply inviting more trouble into our lives.
Second, flattery is a subtle trap for other people because we are giving them a distorted view of reality. It is not kind to flatter other people—on the contrary, it is deceptive and potentially harmful to them.
Third, we have to make it a point to think before we speak. Since words are as powerful as they are, we can’t simply toss them around or blurt them around without thinking about it. That’s like casually handling a loaded gun, so if your mouth is liable to go off at any moment, you’ve got to learn to keep the safety on.
Fourth, remember that power that kind words have to do good for other people. You can help someone’s emotional and even physical well-being simply by speaking some kind words to them. If you are ever going to be quick to speak, let it be an encouraging word that will lift someone else’s spirits.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Holiness--Character in a Class by Itself
There are many things that men do not understand about women, but one of the most confusing is why women insist on having things around the house that aren’t meant to be used. Let me take you on a mental tour of a house and I’ll explain what I mean. We can start in the kitchen or the dining room, where we will often find plates that are not meant to be used, and glasses and silverware that are not meant to be used, and sometimes these things will be housed in a cabinet that is never to be opened. Some of these things you received from your mother or your grandmother, who also did not use them, so these items have been NOT serving the family very well for three generations.
Then we can move into the living room, where we might find candles that are not meant to be burned, or a coffee table that is not meant to hold your coffee. It is just there to hold the candles that are not meant to be burned.
Then we’re off into the bedroom, where we find pillows that are not meant to be used. A man wonders what they are doing on the bed, then, but apparently they are there so that guests don’t have to see our real pillows.
Then we come to the bathroom. Heaven help a man when he enters the bathroom! If you’ve ever wondered why a man takes so long in the bathroom when he visits your house, its because he has no idea what he is and is not supposed to use. A man will start to wash his hands, and he will encounter bars of soap that are not meant to be used. These will often have a bow of twine around them, and they will be in a basket with washcloths that are not meant to be used. And then a man will turn toward the towel rack, where he will encounter a collection of decorative towels that are not meant to be used, and so in despair he will simply leave the bathroom with wet pants after he has dried his hands on them.
Now ladies, I’m going to let you in on a little secret—we actually like the fact that you decorate the house. Those things make us feel at home. So even though we may not decorate ourselves, we’re glad that you do!
Now believe it or not, all of those decorative items around the house can actually help us understand the concept of holiness. Those items are special and unique; different from other items that are meant for ordinary use. Keep that in the back of your mind, because it will shine some light on our subject today.
Today we are going to take a look at the word holiness, or we could just say the word “holy” since those two words express the same concept. This word is found in a very significant passage of 1 Peter 1, so we’re going to wrap things up by applying the word “holy” in that context. In fact, let’s read that passage now so we can get an idea of where we’re going [READ 1 Peter 1:13–16]. You can see how significant the idea of holiness is in this passage, so let’s take some time to find out what it means.
I. What does the word “holiness” mean?
The concept of holiness receives its fullest development in the Old Testament, so that’s where we will be looking to get an idea of what it means. If you were to look up the words “holy” or “holiness” in a concordance, you might be surprised to discover that one of the first things you would find is that…
A. Non-living things can be called “holy”
Holiness is not a concept that belongs to living things alone. In fact, if we look at the first time that the word “holy” is used, we discover that a piece of ground can be holy. In Exodus 3:5, Moses has just approached a bush that he saw from a distance that was on fire, but was not being consumed by the flames. All of sudden the voice of the Lord calls to him and says, “Do not come near; take your sandals off your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.”
So we find here that a non-living thing can be called “holy.” We also find numerous example of this elsewhere:
an assembly Ex. 12:16
a day of the week Ex. 16:23, 20:8–11, Ex. 35:2
a nation of people Ex. 19:6
clothing for the priests Ex. 28:2, Ex. 29:6
the flesh of sacrifices Ex. 29:33–34
water Num. 5:17
As we look at examples like this, we find one that gives us a great clue as to what it means to be holy. Turn with me to Exodus 30:31–32. In this passage, the Lord is giving Moses guidelines for making an anointing oil that would be used to anoint the objects in the tabernacle, and in vv. 31–32 he says [READ vv. 31–32]. Notice in v. 32 how God emphasizes that this oil had a special purpose and a special formula. The people were not to use this oil for just any old purpose, nor were they to make any other oil just like it. It was to be special—the only oil of its kind. So here we have a clue about what it means for something to be holy—a holy object is something is different, special, the only one of its kind.
B. God is referred to as “holy”
With that idea in mind, it should be no surprise to discover that God is referred to as “holy” in the Old Testament. If you’ll flip back just a few pages to Exodus 15, we’ll see Moses describing God’s holiness in 15:11 [READ Ex. 15:11] And the expected answer to these questions is—no one! There is no one like the God of the Bible! All of the other gods are just powerless, impotent idols, but God is different—he is the only one of His kind!
We see this same idea again in 1 Samuel 2:2 when Samuel’s mother Hannah says, “There is none holy like the Lord; there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God.”
So we’re starting to get an idea of what the word “holiness” means—it refers to things that are different, special, one of a kind. Non-living things can be called holy, God is referred to as holy, and finally we need to note that…
C. God’s people are commanded to be “holy”
We’ll look at just one Old Testament example of this. In Deut. 7, as the people of Israel were about to enter the Promised Land, God told them that they were not to be like the people who were living there at the time. He said they were not to intermarry with those nations, nor were they to serve their gods, and he gave the reason why in Deut. 7:6—“For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.”
So here we have this same idea again—they were a holy nation because they were different, they were special, they were one of a kind. There was no other nation like them on earth because they had been chosen by God, and he commanded them to be holy. And as we read in 1 Peter 1 earlier, we too are commanded to be holy.
So what does it mean to be holy? To sum it all up I would say it this way: the basic idea of holiness is the idea of something that is in a class by itself. The oil in the temple was holy because it was in a class by itself—it was dedicated for use in worshipping God. God is holy because he is in a class by himself—he is utterly and completely different from all of the other so-called gods. He is also different from sinful mankind, which means that God is separated from sin.
And this is where the idea of holiness really hits home for us, because as we read in 1 Peter, since God is holy, we are commanded to be holy as well. We are called to be different in our behavior—different from those who don’t know God or worship him. So how are we to do this? Peter gives us two insights in 1 Peter 1:13–16 to help us get a handle on holy living.
II. How are we to live holy lives? (1 Peter 1:13–16)
A. By embracing a different hope (v. 13)
Peter mentions several things for us to do in v. 13, but grammatically the real command is found at the end of the verse when Peter writes, “set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” If we are going to live differently from the world around us, we must have a hope that is different from the world around us. The idea of “hope” here speaks of our sense of anticipation—our longings and desires for what is to come down the road. Peter is telling us to place our deepest longings for the future upon the completion of our salvation that we will receive when Christ returns.
Too often we stop short of such a hope, don’t we? We allow our deepest longings for the future to revolve around getting married or having children or retiring, but when we do we become spiritually short-sighted. We lose sight of Christ’s return because we’ve focused our deepest longing upon something else.
I’ll never forget the time that I heard a Christian girl say, “You know, I can’t wait for Jesus to return, but I hope I can get married first.” That might sound a little funny to us when we hear it like that, but deep down in our hearts, are we saying the same thing? “I can’t wait for Jesus to return, but I hope I can have kids first.” “I can’t wait for Jesus to return, but I hope I get to enjoy a few years of retirement first.” If these lesser things are the object of our deepest longings for the future, we won’t live holy lives because we’ll be embracing the same hope as the world around us, and this hope will mold our priorities until we look just like the world.
We must embrace a different hope, and according to Peter, it all starts with a change of mind. At the beginning of v. 13 he says we must “prepare our minds for action.” The Greek literally says we must gird up the loins of our minds. This refers to the ancient practice of gathering up the bottom of your robe and tucking it into your belt when you were getting ready for work or some other sort of activity. You would pull it all in tight so there wouldn’t be any loose ends to trip you up.
If you can picture the analogy, that’s what we need to do with our thinking. We need to grab hold of our thoughts about the future and pull them in; we need to grab hold of our thoughts about our purpose in life and pull them in; we need to grab hold of our thoughts about life and love and sex and money and family and everything else and pull them all in so that we have a singleness in our thinking where everything—everything—is seen in light of Christ’s return. And by doing this we can stay “sober” or “self-controlled” as Peter says in the next part of this verse.
If we want to be holy, we must embrace a different hope than the world around us, and that hope must be a deep and fervent longing for the return of Christ, because that is a hope that the world will never embrace. But if we will embrace that hope, we can live lives that are different—lives that are in a class by themselves—lives that are godly and pure.
And according to the rest of this passage, we are to live holy lives…
B. By following a different pattern (v. 14–16)
Notice what Peter writes in vv. 14–16. He gives a pattern to avoid and a pattern to follow [READ vv. 14–16]. He tells us first to avoid the pattern of life that we were compelled to live before we knew Christ. He is writing to people who were converted as adults and he’s telling them not to go back to their old way of life. Some of us today know what that’s like, and even for those of us who believed as children, we still feel and understand those desires. But we are not to let sinful desires set the pattern for our lives.
Remember—holiness is about being different, being set apart from sin and devoted to God. If we are going to be holy we must follow a different pattern than the world—the pattern that has been set for us by our Father. Peter calls us obedient children, and as children of God we are now called to bear the family resemblance. Just as a child learns to imitate the way his parents walk and talk, we are to imitate the way that our Father acts. We are to imitate his character that we see revealed in the Bible. We are to imitate the life that Jesus lived when he walked on the earth.
And the end result is that we will lead lives that are different from the world around us, lives that are special, unique, one of a kind, oriented away from sin and toward the glory of God. We have to be commanded to live like this today because it is no longer natural for us. Ever since the human race was plunged into sin, we have been tainted by rebellion through and through. But as we seek, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to live lives that are different from the sinful norm, we will find the life that God always intended for us to live.
So what is holiness all about? It’s not about living off on a mountain top somewhere all by ourselves. It’s not about living in a monastery. It’s about having a character that’s in a class by itself—a character that is patterned after the character of God. And if we will embrace a hope that is different from the world around us, and follow a different pattern for life, we can fulfill God’s command to be holy as he is holy.
Then we can move into the living room, where we might find candles that are not meant to be burned, or a coffee table that is not meant to hold your coffee. It is just there to hold the candles that are not meant to be burned.
Then we’re off into the bedroom, where we find pillows that are not meant to be used. A man wonders what they are doing on the bed, then, but apparently they are there so that guests don’t have to see our real pillows.
Then we come to the bathroom. Heaven help a man when he enters the bathroom! If you’ve ever wondered why a man takes so long in the bathroom when he visits your house, its because he has no idea what he is and is not supposed to use. A man will start to wash his hands, and he will encounter bars of soap that are not meant to be used. These will often have a bow of twine around them, and they will be in a basket with washcloths that are not meant to be used. And then a man will turn toward the towel rack, where he will encounter a collection of decorative towels that are not meant to be used, and so in despair he will simply leave the bathroom with wet pants after he has dried his hands on them.
Now ladies, I’m going to let you in on a little secret—we actually like the fact that you decorate the house. Those things make us feel at home. So even though we may not decorate ourselves, we’re glad that you do!
Now believe it or not, all of those decorative items around the house can actually help us understand the concept of holiness. Those items are special and unique; different from other items that are meant for ordinary use. Keep that in the back of your mind, because it will shine some light on our subject today.
Today we are going to take a look at the word holiness, or we could just say the word “holy” since those two words express the same concept. This word is found in a very significant passage of 1 Peter 1, so we’re going to wrap things up by applying the word “holy” in that context. In fact, let’s read that passage now so we can get an idea of where we’re going [READ 1 Peter 1:13–16]. You can see how significant the idea of holiness is in this passage, so let’s take some time to find out what it means.
I. What does the word “holiness” mean?
The concept of holiness receives its fullest development in the Old Testament, so that’s where we will be looking to get an idea of what it means. If you were to look up the words “holy” or “holiness” in a concordance, you might be surprised to discover that one of the first things you would find is that…
A. Non-living things can be called “holy”
Holiness is not a concept that belongs to living things alone. In fact, if we look at the first time that the word “holy” is used, we discover that a piece of ground can be holy. In Exodus 3:5, Moses has just approached a bush that he saw from a distance that was on fire, but was not being consumed by the flames. All of sudden the voice of the Lord calls to him and says, “Do not come near; take your sandals off your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.”
So we find here that a non-living thing can be called “holy.” We also find numerous example of this elsewhere:
an assembly Ex. 12:16
a day of the week Ex. 16:23, 20:8–11, Ex. 35:2
a nation of people Ex. 19:6
clothing for the priests Ex. 28:2, Ex. 29:6
the flesh of sacrifices Ex. 29:33–34
water Num. 5:17
As we look at examples like this, we find one that gives us a great clue as to what it means to be holy. Turn with me to Exodus 30:31–32. In this passage, the Lord is giving Moses guidelines for making an anointing oil that would be used to anoint the objects in the tabernacle, and in vv. 31–32 he says [READ vv. 31–32]. Notice in v. 32 how God emphasizes that this oil had a special purpose and a special formula. The people were not to use this oil for just any old purpose, nor were they to make any other oil just like it. It was to be special—the only oil of its kind. So here we have a clue about what it means for something to be holy—a holy object is something is different, special, the only one of its kind.
B. God is referred to as “holy”
With that idea in mind, it should be no surprise to discover that God is referred to as “holy” in the Old Testament. If you’ll flip back just a few pages to Exodus 15, we’ll see Moses describing God’s holiness in 15:11 [READ Ex. 15:11] And the expected answer to these questions is—no one! There is no one like the God of the Bible! All of the other gods are just powerless, impotent idols, but God is different—he is the only one of His kind!
We see this same idea again in 1 Samuel 2:2 when Samuel’s mother Hannah says, “There is none holy like the Lord; there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God.”
So we’re starting to get an idea of what the word “holiness” means—it refers to things that are different, special, one of a kind. Non-living things can be called holy, God is referred to as holy, and finally we need to note that…
C. God’s people are commanded to be “holy”
We’ll look at just one Old Testament example of this. In Deut. 7, as the people of Israel were about to enter the Promised Land, God told them that they were not to be like the people who were living there at the time. He said they were not to intermarry with those nations, nor were they to serve their gods, and he gave the reason why in Deut. 7:6—“For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for his treasured possession, out of all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.”
So here we have this same idea again—they were a holy nation because they were different, they were special, they were one of a kind. There was no other nation like them on earth because they had been chosen by God, and he commanded them to be holy. And as we read in 1 Peter 1 earlier, we too are commanded to be holy.
So what does it mean to be holy? To sum it all up I would say it this way: the basic idea of holiness is the idea of something that is in a class by itself. The oil in the temple was holy because it was in a class by itself—it was dedicated for use in worshipping God. God is holy because he is in a class by himself—he is utterly and completely different from all of the other so-called gods. He is also different from sinful mankind, which means that God is separated from sin.
And this is where the idea of holiness really hits home for us, because as we read in 1 Peter, since God is holy, we are commanded to be holy as well. We are called to be different in our behavior—different from those who don’t know God or worship him. So how are we to do this? Peter gives us two insights in 1 Peter 1:13–16 to help us get a handle on holy living.
II. How are we to live holy lives? (1 Peter 1:13–16)
A. By embracing a different hope (v. 13)
Peter mentions several things for us to do in v. 13, but grammatically the real command is found at the end of the verse when Peter writes, “set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” If we are going to live differently from the world around us, we must have a hope that is different from the world around us. The idea of “hope” here speaks of our sense of anticipation—our longings and desires for what is to come down the road. Peter is telling us to place our deepest longings for the future upon the completion of our salvation that we will receive when Christ returns.
Too often we stop short of such a hope, don’t we? We allow our deepest longings for the future to revolve around getting married or having children or retiring, but when we do we become spiritually short-sighted. We lose sight of Christ’s return because we’ve focused our deepest longing upon something else.
I’ll never forget the time that I heard a Christian girl say, “You know, I can’t wait for Jesus to return, but I hope I can get married first.” That might sound a little funny to us when we hear it like that, but deep down in our hearts, are we saying the same thing? “I can’t wait for Jesus to return, but I hope I can have kids first.” “I can’t wait for Jesus to return, but I hope I get to enjoy a few years of retirement first.” If these lesser things are the object of our deepest longings for the future, we won’t live holy lives because we’ll be embracing the same hope as the world around us, and this hope will mold our priorities until we look just like the world.
We must embrace a different hope, and according to Peter, it all starts with a change of mind. At the beginning of v. 13 he says we must “prepare our minds for action.” The Greek literally says we must gird up the loins of our minds. This refers to the ancient practice of gathering up the bottom of your robe and tucking it into your belt when you were getting ready for work or some other sort of activity. You would pull it all in tight so there wouldn’t be any loose ends to trip you up.
If you can picture the analogy, that’s what we need to do with our thinking. We need to grab hold of our thoughts about the future and pull them in; we need to grab hold of our thoughts about our purpose in life and pull them in; we need to grab hold of our thoughts about life and love and sex and money and family and everything else and pull them all in so that we have a singleness in our thinking where everything—everything—is seen in light of Christ’s return. And by doing this we can stay “sober” or “self-controlled” as Peter says in the next part of this verse.
If we want to be holy, we must embrace a different hope than the world around us, and that hope must be a deep and fervent longing for the return of Christ, because that is a hope that the world will never embrace. But if we will embrace that hope, we can live lives that are different—lives that are in a class by themselves—lives that are godly and pure.
And according to the rest of this passage, we are to live holy lives…
B. By following a different pattern (v. 14–16)
Notice what Peter writes in vv. 14–16. He gives a pattern to avoid and a pattern to follow [READ vv. 14–16]. He tells us first to avoid the pattern of life that we were compelled to live before we knew Christ. He is writing to people who were converted as adults and he’s telling them not to go back to their old way of life. Some of us today know what that’s like, and even for those of us who believed as children, we still feel and understand those desires. But we are not to let sinful desires set the pattern for our lives.
Remember—holiness is about being different, being set apart from sin and devoted to God. If we are going to be holy we must follow a different pattern than the world—the pattern that has been set for us by our Father. Peter calls us obedient children, and as children of God we are now called to bear the family resemblance. Just as a child learns to imitate the way his parents walk and talk, we are to imitate the way that our Father acts. We are to imitate his character that we see revealed in the Bible. We are to imitate the life that Jesus lived when he walked on the earth.
And the end result is that we will lead lives that are different from the world around us, lives that are special, unique, one of a kind, oriented away from sin and toward the glory of God. We have to be commanded to live like this today because it is no longer natural for us. Ever since the human race was plunged into sin, we have been tainted by rebellion through and through. But as we seek, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to live lives that are different from the sinful norm, we will find the life that God always intended for us to live.
So what is holiness all about? It’s not about living off on a mountain top somewhere all by ourselves. It’s not about living in a monastery. It’s about having a character that’s in a class by itself—a character that is patterned after the character of God. And if we will embrace a hope that is different from the world around us, and follow a different pattern for life, we can fulfill God’s command to be holy as he is holy.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
The Correctness of Correction--Proverbs series
Some of my most interesting moments during seminary came in my preaching classes. In those classes, we as students would preach to each other, and as we listened we were supposed to critique each other. Our assignment was to critique every conceivable aspect of the sermon. We were supposed to critique each other’s outfits to gauge whether they were distracting. We were supposed to critique each other’s hand gestures—I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but repetitive hand gestures can be very distracting! And of course, we were supposed to critique the content and the delivery of the sermon. It wasn’t always easy for me to accept that criticism, but I tried to, and hopefully today all of you are benefitting from my classmates who were willing to tell me the truth.
We’re kind of funny when it comes to accepting criticism and correction. We’re all willing to admit that we’re not perfect, but we just HATE it when someone else points that out! Now people don’t always correct us in a kind manner, so that doesn’t help matters, but nevertheless we need to recognize the value of listening to and receiving correction from others.
The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about the value of accepting correction and the foolishness of thinking that we don’t need it. Its basic message on the subject is captured well in Prov. 15:31–32 [READ 15:31–32]. That’s quite a thought—to despise yourself. That word “despise” is a pretty strong word. It means that you intensely dislike something. Imagine if someone approached me and said, “Tim, can I offer you some advice?”, and then I said, “No thanks. I intensely dislike myself, so I really don’t worry about taking advice!” You would probably think I’m crazy, and according to Proverbs I just might be! Prov. 12:1 puts it rather bluntly [READ 12:1].
The book of Proverbs talks about three potential sources of correction or discipline, so we’re going to spend our time together today talking about these three sources of correction.
I. God
Because God loves us, He is willing to correct us when we need it. Look at Prov. 3:11–12 [READ 3:11–12]. Now before anything else, notice the motivation behind God’s discipline—it is love. Solomon compares it to the delight that a father has for his son. So God’s motivation for discipline is love—its not because He thinks you’re a hopeless case who will only amount to something if He’s hard on you. No—He delights in you, and so He wants to help you grow.
I think we often have some wrong ideas about God’s discipline. Sometimes we’re tempted to think that God enjoys disciplining us, as though He gets some kind of sadistic pleasure out of it. So then we’re tempted to think that God is always being hard on us; that He is always on our case like some kind of drill sergeant who’s ready to nail us if we fall out of step.
But I don’t see anything in the Bible that says that God is eager to discipline us or that He enjoys doing it. Like any loving parent, He is willing to do it to help us grow and follow the right path, but I don’t think we get any indication that He enjoys it.
Sometimes we also seem to be tempted to think that God might discipline us and yet leave us totally in the dark about why He’s doing it—like an angry wife who might say, “Well, I shouldn’t have to tell you what’s wrong. You should just know!” (I’m not trying to pick on you ladies, but that’s usually a female tactic more than a male tactic.)
Sometimes we think God does this, but again, I don’t think we get any indication in Scripture that this is so. If God is truly disciplining you, I think you will know what the problem is. Now God does allow us to face trials, but that’s not discipline. With a trial, God is not trying to correct an error—He is seeking to strengthen our faith, to bring it to a deeper level.
So we need to think correctly about God’s discipline, and according to Proverbs a proper mindset will lead us not to dislike God’s discipline, but to accept it, knowing that it flows from God’s immense love toward us. If God disciplines us, we need to forsake our sin and embrace God’s way of life. His discipline is a valuable source of correction that will help us gain wisdom.
II. Our parents
Our parents are a valuable source of correction for us. This is true even after we’ve grown up and left home, but certainly it is true when we are still young and living with them. Prov. 13:1 is pretty straightforward. It says, [READ 13:1]. Other translations say “a mocker does not listen to rebuke.” If your attitude leads you to mock or insult your parents—even just in your own mind—then you will not be inclined to listen to their instruction, and consequently you will not be open to gaining wisdom. Prov. 15:5 states the same lesson from the opposite perspective [READ 15:5].
Now if you want to know how serious it really is to refuse to listen to your parents, look with me at Prov. 30:17 [READ 30:17]. We need a little background on this verse. In Old Testament times, persistent rebellion against your parents was punishable by death. Specifically, Deuteronomy 21 says that the community was supposed to stone a persistently rebellious teenager. So Prov. 30:17 probably pictures a teenager who was stoned and then left for the scavengers without receiving a proper burial, which was a major insult in Jewish culture.
If that seems excessive to you, then you need to realize how serious God thinks it is for you to disobey your parents. Look with me at a couple of passages in the New Testament. The sin of disobeying your parents keeps some pretty bad company. Look at Romans 1:28–31 [READ Rom. 1:28–31]. According to Paul, this sin comes from a debased mind, which means its corrupted. Then look at 2 Timothy 3:1–5. Here Paul says that this sin will be characteristic of difficult times in the last days [READ 2 Tim. 3:1–5].
Now it may seem odd to us that the Bible would make such a big deal out of disobeying your parents, but I fear that we have bought into the lie that teenage rebellion is a normal and healthy thing. We’ve even come up with cute phrases for it. We say things like, “Well, little Johnny is just sowing his wild oats,” or “little Johnny is just blazing his own trail through life.” No he’s not! Little Johnny is following a well-worn path called the path of foolishness! From God’s perspective, rebelling against your parents is not normal and healthy—it is abnormal and sick!
Young people, please listen to me. Your parents’ rules and instructions are like a fortress of protection for you, but Satan wants to lure you away from the fortress. He wants you to come out into the open, away from those walls of protection; he wants you to think that your parents don’t understand the world anymore; he wants you to think that your parents are restrictive and “old-fashioned.” That’s what Satan wants you to think, so don’t fall into his trap! If you rebel against your parents, you’re not cool—you’re a fool!
So young people, take this lesson to heart. Understand that it is wise for you to accept correction from your parents, no matter what your friends say. If nothing else, have enough faith in God to believe that His Word is true, and then obey your parents for His sake. I know your parents aren’t perfect; I know they don’t always apologize to you when they should; I know they aren’t always fair in the way they enforce the rules—they’re imperfect people! But even if you’re tempted to butt heads with your parents, obey God, and then honor your parents as He has told you.
III. Our friends
Our friends are another important source of correction for us. Its not always easy to hear what they have to say, but if the person is a true friend, then you could really learn a lot from their correction. Let’s read Prov. 27:6 [READ 27:6]. What great poetry in this verse! We would think that an enemy would wound and a friend would kiss, but sometimes it is appropriately the other way around. An enemy may encourage us if they see that we are harming ourselves, but a friend will wound us for our own good. A friend may wound our pride at times by telling us what we really need to hear. If we think that a friend is only supposed to tell us what we want to hear, then we don’t understand what it means to truly be a friend to someone.
If you have a friend who will lovingly tell it like it is, that is a very valuable relationship. After all, one of the best things about friends is that they are sources of advice; they’re people that we can bounce our thoughts of off. Prov. 27:9 says [READ 27:9]. I hope all of you have a friend like this, someone who can serve as a confidant for you; someone who has the right to ask you absolutely anything and expect an honest answer from you. Such friends are valuable sources of correction.
This lesson also means that if we’re going to be a good friend to someone else, then we need to be willing to correct them when they need it. Prov. 27:5 says, [READ 27:5]. This verse says it plainly—it is better to correct a friend when they need it than to hide your love for them by saying nothing. Imagine if your friend was about to walk into a busy street without looking. There’s no way you would let them make that choice without warning them. However, we hesitate when we see our friend about to make a poor spiritual choice or a poor choice in a relationship, but we need to remember that there is real danger in those choices as well, and genuine love should compel us to warn our friends about danger.
Now part of our hesitation may be that we are unsure of right and wrong ourselves. That is all the more reason for us to be students of God’s Word. And certainly, as Jesus said in Matthew 7, we do need to remove the log from our own eye before we try to remove the splinter from our friend’s eye, but Jesus never said we should leave the splinter in there. He said, “first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matt. 7:5).
Correcting our friends is not an easy thing to do, but if correction is given and received in a spirit of love, it will ultimately strengthen the friendship. Prov. 28:23 says, [READ 28:23]. Notice that the one who rebukes will find favor “afterward.” Your friend may not initially receive your correction well, but after they realize that you are trying to help, you will find favor in their eyes. On the other hand, if they realize that you just stood by and let them hurt themselves, your relationship will probably be harmed as well.
Accepting correction is not easy—that’s why Proverbs calls it a wound and says we will be tempted to despise it. But this book repeatedly tells us that the wise man will accept it, so we need to do the same.
Let me offer a few suggestions about how to receive correction and criticism in a positive way. These are not original with me, but I thought they were excellent suggestions, so I wanted to share them with you.
When you are criticized or corrected…
1. Commit the matter instantly to God, asking Him to remove all resentment or counter-criticism on your part and teach you the needed lessons. This is very important. We need to go to God first. The person who corrects us may not do it in a kind way, so we need to ask for help that we won’t respond in an unkind manner. We also need to ask God to help us see if there is any truth to the criticism and to accept it if there is.
2. Remember that we are all great sinners and that the one who has criticized us does not begin to know the worst about us. This will keep us humble in that moment. If the person has hit on something true, they’ve probably only seen the tip of the iceberg.
3. If you have made a mistake or committed a sin, humbly and frankly confess it to God and to anyone you may have injured. Now we’re taking a positive spiritual step in response to a lesson learned.
4. Be willing to learn afresh that you are not infallible and that you need God’s grace and wisdom every moment of the day to keep on the straight path. None of us are beyond the need for correction, and when we remember that, we’ll be prepared to walk the path of wisdom by God’s grace.
We’re kind of funny when it comes to accepting criticism and correction. We’re all willing to admit that we’re not perfect, but we just HATE it when someone else points that out! Now people don’t always correct us in a kind manner, so that doesn’t help matters, but nevertheless we need to recognize the value of listening to and receiving correction from others.
The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about the value of accepting correction and the foolishness of thinking that we don’t need it. Its basic message on the subject is captured well in Prov. 15:31–32 [READ 15:31–32]. That’s quite a thought—to despise yourself. That word “despise” is a pretty strong word. It means that you intensely dislike something. Imagine if someone approached me and said, “Tim, can I offer you some advice?”, and then I said, “No thanks. I intensely dislike myself, so I really don’t worry about taking advice!” You would probably think I’m crazy, and according to Proverbs I just might be! Prov. 12:1 puts it rather bluntly [READ 12:1].
The book of Proverbs talks about three potential sources of correction or discipline, so we’re going to spend our time together today talking about these three sources of correction.
I. God
Because God loves us, He is willing to correct us when we need it. Look at Prov. 3:11–12 [READ 3:11–12]. Now before anything else, notice the motivation behind God’s discipline—it is love. Solomon compares it to the delight that a father has for his son. So God’s motivation for discipline is love—its not because He thinks you’re a hopeless case who will only amount to something if He’s hard on you. No—He delights in you, and so He wants to help you grow.
I think we often have some wrong ideas about God’s discipline. Sometimes we’re tempted to think that God enjoys disciplining us, as though He gets some kind of sadistic pleasure out of it. So then we’re tempted to think that God is always being hard on us; that He is always on our case like some kind of drill sergeant who’s ready to nail us if we fall out of step.
But I don’t see anything in the Bible that says that God is eager to discipline us or that He enjoys doing it. Like any loving parent, He is willing to do it to help us grow and follow the right path, but I don’t think we get any indication that He enjoys it.
Sometimes we also seem to be tempted to think that God might discipline us and yet leave us totally in the dark about why He’s doing it—like an angry wife who might say, “Well, I shouldn’t have to tell you what’s wrong. You should just know!” (I’m not trying to pick on you ladies, but that’s usually a female tactic more than a male tactic.)
Sometimes we think God does this, but again, I don’t think we get any indication in Scripture that this is so. If God is truly disciplining you, I think you will know what the problem is. Now God does allow us to face trials, but that’s not discipline. With a trial, God is not trying to correct an error—He is seeking to strengthen our faith, to bring it to a deeper level.
So we need to think correctly about God’s discipline, and according to Proverbs a proper mindset will lead us not to dislike God’s discipline, but to accept it, knowing that it flows from God’s immense love toward us. If God disciplines us, we need to forsake our sin and embrace God’s way of life. His discipline is a valuable source of correction that will help us gain wisdom.
II. Our parents
Our parents are a valuable source of correction for us. This is true even after we’ve grown up and left home, but certainly it is true when we are still young and living with them. Prov. 13:1 is pretty straightforward. It says, [READ 13:1]. Other translations say “a mocker does not listen to rebuke.” If your attitude leads you to mock or insult your parents—even just in your own mind—then you will not be inclined to listen to their instruction, and consequently you will not be open to gaining wisdom. Prov. 15:5 states the same lesson from the opposite perspective [READ 15:5].
Now if you want to know how serious it really is to refuse to listen to your parents, look with me at Prov. 30:17 [READ 30:17]. We need a little background on this verse. In Old Testament times, persistent rebellion against your parents was punishable by death. Specifically, Deuteronomy 21 says that the community was supposed to stone a persistently rebellious teenager. So Prov. 30:17 probably pictures a teenager who was stoned and then left for the scavengers without receiving a proper burial, which was a major insult in Jewish culture.
If that seems excessive to you, then you need to realize how serious God thinks it is for you to disobey your parents. Look with me at a couple of passages in the New Testament. The sin of disobeying your parents keeps some pretty bad company. Look at Romans 1:28–31 [READ Rom. 1:28–31]. According to Paul, this sin comes from a debased mind, which means its corrupted. Then look at 2 Timothy 3:1–5. Here Paul says that this sin will be characteristic of difficult times in the last days [READ 2 Tim. 3:1–5].
Now it may seem odd to us that the Bible would make such a big deal out of disobeying your parents, but I fear that we have bought into the lie that teenage rebellion is a normal and healthy thing. We’ve even come up with cute phrases for it. We say things like, “Well, little Johnny is just sowing his wild oats,” or “little Johnny is just blazing his own trail through life.” No he’s not! Little Johnny is following a well-worn path called the path of foolishness! From God’s perspective, rebelling against your parents is not normal and healthy—it is abnormal and sick!
Young people, please listen to me. Your parents’ rules and instructions are like a fortress of protection for you, but Satan wants to lure you away from the fortress. He wants you to come out into the open, away from those walls of protection; he wants you to think that your parents don’t understand the world anymore; he wants you to think that your parents are restrictive and “old-fashioned.” That’s what Satan wants you to think, so don’t fall into his trap! If you rebel against your parents, you’re not cool—you’re a fool!
So young people, take this lesson to heart. Understand that it is wise for you to accept correction from your parents, no matter what your friends say. If nothing else, have enough faith in God to believe that His Word is true, and then obey your parents for His sake. I know your parents aren’t perfect; I know they don’t always apologize to you when they should; I know they aren’t always fair in the way they enforce the rules—they’re imperfect people! But even if you’re tempted to butt heads with your parents, obey God, and then honor your parents as He has told you.
III. Our friends
Our friends are another important source of correction for us. Its not always easy to hear what they have to say, but if the person is a true friend, then you could really learn a lot from their correction. Let’s read Prov. 27:6 [READ 27:6]. What great poetry in this verse! We would think that an enemy would wound and a friend would kiss, but sometimes it is appropriately the other way around. An enemy may encourage us if they see that we are harming ourselves, but a friend will wound us for our own good. A friend may wound our pride at times by telling us what we really need to hear. If we think that a friend is only supposed to tell us what we want to hear, then we don’t understand what it means to truly be a friend to someone.
If you have a friend who will lovingly tell it like it is, that is a very valuable relationship. After all, one of the best things about friends is that they are sources of advice; they’re people that we can bounce our thoughts of off. Prov. 27:9 says [READ 27:9]. I hope all of you have a friend like this, someone who can serve as a confidant for you; someone who has the right to ask you absolutely anything and expect an honest answer from you. Such friends are valuable sources of correction.
This lesson also means that if we’re going to be a good friend to someone else, then we need to be willing to correct them when they need it. Prov. 27:5 says, [READ 27:5]. This verse says it plainly—it is better to correct a friend when they need it than to hide your love for them by saying nothing. Imagine if your friend was about to walk into a busy street without looking. There’s no way you would let them make that choice without warning them. However, we hesitate when we see our friend about to make a poor spiritual choice or a poor choice in a relationship, but we need to remember that there is real danger in those choices as well, and genuine love should compel us to warn our friends about danger.
Now part of our hesitation may be that we are unsure of right and wrong ourselves. That is all the more reason for us to be students of God’s Word. And certainly, as Jesus said in Matthew 7, we do need to remove the log from our own eye before we try to remove the splinter from our friend’s eye, but Jesus never said we should leave the splinter in there. He said, “first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matt. 7:5).
Correcting our friends is not an easy thing to do, but if correction is given and received in a spirit of love, it will ultimately strengthen the friendship. Prov. 28:23 says, [READ 28:23]. Notice that the one who rebukes will find favor “afterward.” Your friend may not initially receive your correction well, but after they realize that you are trying to help, you will find favor in their eyes. On the other hand, if they realize that you just stood by and let them hurt themselves, your relationship will probably be harmed as well.
Accepting correction is not easy—that’s why Proverbs calls it a wound and says we will be tempted to despise it. But this book repeatedly tells us that the wise man will accept it, so we need to do the same.
Let me offer a few suggestions about how to receive correction and criticism in a positive way. These are not original with me, but I thought they were excellent suggestions, so I wanted to share them with you.
When you are criticized or corrected…
1. Commit the matter instantly to God, asking Him to remove all resentment or counter-criticism on your part and teach you the needed lessons. This is very important. We need to go to God first. The person who corrects us may not do it in a kind way, so we need to ask for help that we won’t respond in an unkind manner. We also need to ask God to help us see if there is any truth to the criticism and to accept it if there is.
2. Remember that we are all great sinners and that the one who has criticized us does not begin to know the worst about us. This will keep us humble in that moment. If the person has hit on something true, they’ve probably only seen the tip of the iceberg.
3. If you have made a mistake or committed a sin, humbly and frankly confess it to God and to anyone you may have injured. Now we’re taking a positive spiritual step in response to a lesson learned.
4. Be willing to learn afresh that you are not infallible and that you need God’s grace and wisdom every moment of the day to keep on the straight path. None of us are beyond the need for correction, and when we remember that, we’ll be prepared to walk the path of wisdom by God’s grace.
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