Some of my most interesting moments during seminary came in my preaching classes. In those classes, we as students would preach to each other, and as we listened we were supposed to critique each other. Our assignment was to critique every conceivable aspect of the sermon. We were supposed to critique each other’s outfits to gauge whether they were distracting. We were supposed to critique each other’s hand gestures—I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but repetitive hand gestures can be very distracting! And of course, we were supposed to critique the content and the delivery of the sermon. It wasn’t always easy for me to accept that criticism, but I tried to, and hopefully today all of you are benefitting from my classmates who were willing to tell me the truth.
We’re kind of funny when it comes to accepting criticism and correction. We’re all willing to admit that we’re not perfect, but we just HATE it when someone else points that out! Now people don’t always correct us in a kind manner, so that doesn’t help matters, but nevertheless we need to recognize the value of listening to and receiving correction from others.
The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about the value of accepting correction and the foolishness of thinking that we don’t need it. Its basic message on the subject is captured well in Prov. 15:31–32 [READ 15:31–32]. That’s quite a thought—to despise yourself. That word “despise” is a pretty strong word. It means that you intensely dislike something. Imagine if someone approached me and said, “Tim, can I offer you some advice?”, and then I said, “No thanks. I intensely dislike myself, so I really don’t worry about taking advice!” You would probably think I’m crazy, and according to Proverbs I just might be! Prov. 12:1 puts it rather bluntly [READ 12:1].
The book of Proverbs talks about three potential sources of correction or discipline, so we’re going to spend our time together today talking about these three sources of correction.
I. God
Because God loves us, He is willing to correct us when we need it. Look at Prov. 3:11–12 [READ 3:11–12]. Now before anything else, notice the motivation behind God’s discipline—it is love. Solomon compares it to the delight that a father has for his son. So God’s motivation for discipline is love—its not because He thinks you’re a hopeless case who will only amount to something if He’s hard on you. No—He delights in you, and so He wants to help you grow.
I think we often have some wrong ideas about God’s discipline. Sometimes we’re tempted to think that God enjoys disciplining us, as though He gets some kind of sadistic pleasure out of it. So then we’re tempted to think that God is always being hard on us; that He is always on our case like some kind of drill sergeant who’s ready to nail us if we fall out of step.
But I don’t see anything in the Bible that says that God is eager to discipline us or that He enjoys doing it. Like any loving parent, He is willing to do it to help us grow and follow the right path, but I don’t think we get any indication that He enjoys it.
Sometimes we also seem to be tempted to think that God might discipline us and yet leave us totally in the dark about why He’s doing it—like an angry wife who might say, “Well, I shouldn’t have to tell you what’s wrong. You should just know!” (I’m not trying to pick on you ladies, but that’s usually a female tactic more than a male tactic.)
Sometimes we think God does this, but again, I don’t think we get any indication in Scripture that this is so. If God is truly disciplining you, I think you will know what the problem is. Now God does allow us to face trials, but that’s not discipline. With a trial, God is not trying to correct an error—He is seeking to strengthen our faith, to bring it to a deeper level.
So we need to think correctly about God’s discipline, and according to Proverbs a proper mindset will lead us not to dislike God’s discipline, but to accept it, knowing that it flows from God’s immense love toward us. If God disciplines us, we need to forsake our sin and embrace God’s way of life. His discipline is a valuable source of correction that will help us gain wisdom.
II. Our parents
Our parents are a valuable source of correction for us. This is true even after we’ve grown up and left home, but certainly it is true when we are still young and living with them. Prov. 13:1 is pretty straightforward. It says, [READ 13:1]. Other translations say “a mocker does not listen to rebuke.” If your attitude leads you to mock or insult your parents—even just in your own mind—then you will not be inclined to listen to their instruction, and consequently you will not be open to gaining wisdom. Prov. 15:5 states the same lesson from the opposite perspective [READ 15:5].
Now if you want to know how serious it really is to refuse to listen to your parents, look with me at Prov. 30:17 [READ 30:17]. We need a little background on this verse. In Old Testament times, persistent rebellion against your parents was punishable by death. Specifically, Deuteronomy 21 says that the community was supposed to stone a persistently rebellious teenager. So Prov. 30:17 probably pictures a teenager who was stoned and then left for the scavengers without receiving a proper burial, which was a major insult in Jewish culture.
If that seems excessive to you, then you need to realize how serious God thinks it is for you to disobey your parents. Look with me at a couple of passages in the New Testament. The sin of disobeying your parents keeps some pretty bad company. Look at Romans 1:28–31 [READ Rom. 1:28–31]. According to Paul, this sin comes from a debased mind, which means its corrupted. Then look at 2 Timothy 3:1–5. Here Paul says that this sin will be characteristic of difficult times in the last days [READ 2 Tim. 3:1–5].
Now it may seem odd to us that the Bible would make such a big deal out of disobeying your parents, but I fear that we have bought into the lie that teenage rebellion is a normal and healthy thing. We’ve even come up with cute phrases for it. We say things like, “Well, little Johnny is just sowing his wild oats,” or “little Johnny is just blazing his own trail through life.” No he’s not! Little Johnny is following a well-worn path called the path of foolishness! From God’s perspective, rebelling against your parents is not normal and healthy—it is abnormal and sick!
Young people, please listen to me. Your parents’ rules and instructions are like a fortress of protection for you, but Satan wants to lure you away from the fortress. He wants you to come out into the open, away from those walls of protection; he wants you to think that your parents don’t understand the world anymore; he wants you to think that your parents are restrictive and “old-fashioned.” That’s what Satan wants you to think, so don’t fall into his trap! If you rebel against your parents, you’re not cool—you’re a fool!
So young people, take this lesson to heart. Understand that it is wise for you to accept correction from your parents, no matter what your friends say. If nothing else, have enough faith in God to believe that His Word is true, and then obey your parents for His sake. I know your parents aren’t perfect; I know they don’t always apologize to you when they should; I know they aren’t always fair in the way they enforce the rules—they’re imperfect people! But even if you’re tempted to butt heads with your parents, obey God, and then honor your parents as He has told you.
III. Our friends
Our friends are another important source of correction for us. Its not always easy to hear what they have to say, but if the person is a true friend, then you could really learn a lot from their correction. Let’s read Prov. 27:6 [READ 27:6]. What great poetry in this verse! We would think that an enemy would wound and a friend would kiss, but sometimes it is appropriately the other way around. An enemy may encourage us if they see that we are harming ourselves, but a friend will wound us for our own good. A friend may wound our pride at times by telling us what we really need to hear. If we think that a friend is only supposed to tell us what we want to hear, then we don’t understand what it means to truly be a friend to someone.
If you have a friend who will lovingly tell it like it is, that is a very valuable relationship. After all, one of the best things about friends is that they are sources of advice; they’re people that we can bounce our thoughts of off. Prov. 27:9 says [READ 27:9]. I hope all of you have a friend like this, someone who can serve as a confidant for you; someone who has the right to ask you absolutely anything and expect an honest answer from you. Such friends are valuable sources of correction.
This lesson also means that if we’re going to be a good friend to someone else, then we need to be willing to correct them when they need it. Prov. 27:5 says, [READ 27:5]. This verse says it plainly—it is better to correct a friend when they need it than to hide your love for them by saying nothing. Imagine if your friend was about to walk into a busy street without looking. There’s no way you would let them make that choice without warning them. However, we hesitate when we see our friend about to make a poor spiritual choice or a poor choice in a relationship, but we need to remember that there is real danger in those choices as well, and genuine love should compel us to warn our friends about danger.
Now part of our hesitation may be that we are unsure of right and wrong ourselves. That is all the more reason for us to be students of God’s Word. And certainly, as Jesus said in Matthew 7, we do need to remove the log from our own eye before we try to remove the splinter from our friend’s eye, but Jesus never said we should leave the splinter in there. He said, “first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matt. 7:5).
Correcting our friends is not an easy thing to do, but if correction is given and received in a spirit of love, it will ultimately strengthen the friendship. Prov. 28:23 says, [READ 28:23]. Notice that the one who rebukes will find favor “afterward.” Your friend may not initially receive your correction well, but after they realize that you are trying to help, you will find favor in their eyes. On the other hand, if they realize that you just stood by and let them hurt themselves, your relationship will probably be harmed as well.
Accepting correction is not easy—that’s why Proverbs calls it a wound and says we will be tempted to despise it. But this book repeatedly tells us that the wise man will accept it, so we need to do the same.
Let me offer a few suggestions about how to receive correction and criticism in a positive way. These are not original with me, but I thought they were excellent suggestions, so I wanted to share them with you.
When you are criticized or corrected…
1. Commit the matter instantly to God, asking Him to remove all resentment or counter-criticism on your part and teach you the needed lessons. This is very important. We need to go to God first. The person who corrects us may not do it in a kind way, so we need to ask for help that we won’t respond in an unkind manner. We also need to ask God to help us see if there is any truth to the criticism and to accept it if there is.
2. Remember that we are all great sinners and that the one who has criticized us does not begin to know the worst about us. This will keep us humble in that moment. If the person has hit on something true, they’ve probably only seen the tip of the iceberg.
3. If you have made a mistake or committed a sin, humbly and frankly confess it to God and to anyone you may have injured. Now we’re taking a positive spiritual step in response to a lesson learned.
4. Be willing to learn afresh that you are not infallible and that you need God’s grace and wisdom every moment of the day to keep on the straight path. None of us are beyond the need for correction, and when we remember that, we’ll be prepared to walk the path of wisdom by God’s grace.
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