It has often been said that dogs are a man’s best friend. I hope that relationship says more about dogs than it does about men, but maybe that’s up for debate! At least dogs are almost always cheaper than diamonds, which are said to be a girl’s best friend. I don’t know how true that is, but if we modify that phrase a little bit, I think we can hit on something that really is true. Perhaps we should say that best friends are like diamonds, because they are precious and rare. You don’t meet a best friend every day, but when you do, you have truly found something that is very valuable.
Friends play a major role in our lives. That’s true even if you feel like you don’t have many friends! Our friends are often on our minds, and always in our hearts. We spend a lot of our social time with them, and they have a big influence on the way that we think and act. And since we have such a close bond to our friends, it is natural and appropriate for us to desire to be a good friend to them.
So how can we do that? How can we be a good friend to these people who mean so much to us? It should be no surprise that a wise man like Solomon recognized the value of friendship, and he gave us some advice in the book of Proverbs about how to be a good friend. That’s what we’re going to learn about together this morning.
How can I be a good friend?
I. Be loving toward your friend at all times (17:17)
This statement may seem like the equivalent of 2 + 2 = 4, but there’s a little more to this than meets the eye. Let’s look at Prov. 17:17 [READ 17:17]. This verse mentions two of the closest relationships in our lives. From a biological perspective, there is no one more closely related to you than a brother or a sister, and ideally our relationships are supposed to reflect that. We should be there for our siblings in times of adversity, and they should do the same for us.
A friend, as we see, fulfills a very similar role in our lives. In fact, Prov. 18:24 even says, “there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” A friendship happens by choice, so sometimes we’re closer to our friends than our siblings, because our siblings had no choice.
Prov. 17:17 gives us a basic statement about how we should act as a friend—we are to show the love of God to our friends at all times. That last phrase doesn’t place any limits on our love, does it? This means that we need to show the love of God to our friends even when they’re not very lovable, even when we get nothing in return for it, even if they have hurt us.
This idea really rules out any selfish motivations that we might have in our friendships. From time to time, we’re all tempted to look at our friends and think, “What have you done for me lately? Why haven’t you called? Why didn’t you invite me to do such and such?” But if we want to be a good friend, we won’t let such temptations motivate us. We will endeavor to show the love of God at all times.
Now we do need to make sure that we understand what it means to show the love of God to our friends, because there is a grand canyon between godly love and the way that many people think of love today. Many people in our culture think that loving your friends means that you are supposed to support every decision that they make, no matter what it is. An acquaintance of mine has recently made some sinful choices in her marriage, and consequently she has separated from her husband. Not long after they separated, she posted an update on Facebook that basically said, “I guess now I will know who my true friends are.” What she meant is that anyone who supported her decision would be a true friend and anyone who disagreed with her decision would be a false friend.
That’s the kind of confusion about friendship that we have all around us today, so we need to take a look at God’s description of love. There is no better place to find out what love is than 1 Cor. 13, so why don’t you turn there with me? Let’s walk step by step through vv. 4–7 and we’ll talk about what this description means in the context of friendship:
• Love is patient. This would mean that love is slow to take offense. Let’s face it—even our friends hurt us at times, so loving them would mean that we are gracious toward their faults and patient with them when they step on our toes.
• Love is kind. This means that we act for the good of our friends. We seek their benefit and welfare through our behavior.
• Love does not envy. Thus, we would not desire to take what our friends have for our own gain, and we would rejoice when they are honored rather than succumb to jealousy.
• Love does not boast. Thus, we would not brag to our friends to exalt ourselves over them.
• Love is not arrogant or rude. This means that we would not act in ways that are prideful or impolite.
• Love does not insist on its own way. Love for a friend thus means that you are considerate of them and not domineering.
• Love is not irritable or resentful. We should not become easily angered with our friends or harbor a grudge against them, bringing up their failures again and again.
• Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. This is exactly what we touched on a moment ago. If I love my friend, then I cannot celebrate when they sin; I cannot encourage them when they choose a sinful path. Instead, I rejoice when they are living in the truth.
• Love bears all things…endures all things. Love does not vanish when the going gets tough.
• Love believes all things, hopes all things. Love believes the best about others. It stands ready to give a friend the benefit of the doubt and to think the best of them.
This description of true, biblical love is an inspiration for us in our friendships. Just imagine the depth of the relationships that we could cultivate through this kind of behavior toward others. Paul wrote this description to the Corinthians because there were some broken bonds of friendship there, but this kind of love could mend even the deepest wounds. So to be a good friend, we must love with this love at all times.
II. Be considerate when your friend is grieving (25:20)
One of the sweetest privileges that we have as a friend is to be a source of comfort during a season of grief. But if we don’t approach this task in the right manner, we can actually do more harm than good. Let’s read Prov. 25:20 [READ 25:20]. The idea of singing songs to a heavy heart is basically the idea of trivializing someone’s grief—laughing it off or treating it like its no big deal. Sometimes when we visit a person who is grieving, we find ourselves thinking, “I just need to make them smile before I leave. I’ve just got to get them to laugh again.” I think we might take that approach because otherwise, we just don’t know what else to do or what else to say. But we really don’t need to feel compelled to do that. In fact, we may simply make our friend feel lonely, as though we really don’t understand their pain and thus they have no one to share it with.
This verse says that by trivializing someone’s grief we are “like one who takes off a garment on a cold day.” That’s obviously not beneficial. It also says that such an approach is “like vinegar on soda.” You probably made this combination in a science class at some point. This combination is used in the experiment that simulates a volcano erupting. Well, just as vinegar and soda produce this overflowing reaction when they combine, we might cause our friend’s grief to overflow if we treat it like its no big deal.
When you are ministering to a grieving friend, you don’t have to feel the need to make everything out to be rainbows and sunshine! A much better approach is given when the Bible tells us to weep with those who weep. That doesn’t mean we have to manufacture tears; it simply means that we should sympathize with the other person. If they feel like weeping, then let them weep on your shoulder. If they feel like remembering happier times, then help them reminisce. And if you can’t think of anything to say, don’t worry about it! Just don’t minimize or trivialize your friend’s grief, and you’ll be on the right path.
Proverbs also gives us a couple more very practical suggestions.
III. Be considerate in visiting your friend (25:17)
Let’s look at Prov. 25:17 [READ 25:17]. To put it simply, don’t wear out your welcome! A literal translation of the first line would read, “make your foot precious in your companion’s house,” with precious being understood in the sense of something that is rare and thus valuable, like a gemstone or a precious jewel. This is how we want our visits to be, isn’t it? Rather than an annoyance, we want our visits with our friends to be precious times.
Now this lesson may not seem like a particularly spiritual one, but it is important to consider as we relate to our friends. Its ironic, but sometimes the recipients of our most inconsiderate behavior are the people closest to us, like our family members or our friends. Sometimes we almost feel like we don’t need to be considerate of our friends because they’re our friends, and we think they should just understand our behavior. But in reality, we need to treat our friends with the same consideration that we would give to anyone else so that we don’t take advantage of their love for us. From Prov. 25:17, its clear that we should not take advantage of their hospitality. Obviously, this is not saying that we have to purposely avoid our friends, we just need to be considerate of them.
Its along this same line that we find our final lesson.
IV. Be considerate in how and when you talk to your friend (27:14)
Prov. 27:14 is kind of a humorous verse, except if you’re on the receiving end of this blessing. Turn with me to this verse [READ 27:14]. This blessing did not have the desired effect because it was spoken at the wrong time and in the wrong way. We learned in a previous sermon that our words have the power to do tremendous harm or tremendous good, and part of that depends on when and how we speak. Proverbs 15:23 (NET Bible) says, “A person has joy in giving an appropriate answer, and a word at the right time—how good it is!”
This is another area in which we need to be considerate of our friends, because it is very easy to let your mouth run wild with a friend. One of the best things about a friend is that you can tell them what’s on your heart, and you can discuss anything with them, but that doesn’t give us a license to be careless with our words. Sometimes we talk to our friends in very careless, and again, we think that they should just understand because they’re our friends. But if we’re considerate in how and when we talk to our friends, then we can avoid causing any unnecessary conflict or irritation.
Our friends are a great blessing in our lives, and I’m sure we can all agree that we don’t want to give them anything less than true, godly love. After all, they’ve often stood by us in our darkest hours and loved us in the midst of our strangest behavior.
An old “Peanuts” comic strip recorded a conversation between Peppermint Patty and Marcie. In the first panel, Pepperment Patty said, “I’d like to read this book Marcie, but I’m kind of afraid. I had a grandfather who didn’t think much of reading.” She continued in the next panel and said, “He always said that if you read too many books, your head would fall off.” And in the final panel, Marcie replies, “You start the first chapter, and I’ll hold onto your head!”1
Sounds like true friendship, doesn’t it? People like that, who are willing to love us in our strangest moments, deserve our strongest love.
1. From http://bible.org/illustration/charlie-brown Accessed 4/12/11
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