Carving the Love of God into Your Children--Parenting Series

            There was once a man with a wife and three children. This man was a hard-working man who often worked long—and sometimes odd—hours, though it wouldn’t be fair to call him a workaholic. He was devoted to his job only because it allowed him to meet his goal of providing for his family. He really had a much greater devotion to his family, and above all else, to God.

            His devotion to God was on full display in the choices that he made. This man could have easily stayed out of church activities, and many people would have been understanding because of his work schedule, but he never missed church, and he even taught Sunday School for a number of years. His car transformed into a taxi on AWANA night, and many kids came only because he was willing to pick them up. In those days, Vacation Bible School was still normally held during the day, and he would take an entire week of his vacation time to volunteer.

            Despite this man’s busy schedule, he was still very devoted to his family. Rarely did he miss a ball game or a choir concert, and on one occasion, he even broke into a classroom when some props had been accidentally locked inside. Even when he knew he would be going back to work, he would still come home for dinner, and around the table he would often casually talk about things he had heard on the radio. Sometimes he would launch into a well-worn speech about how atheistic evolution was the dumbest idea he had ever heard.

            This man has grown older now, and his mind is not always very clear. He can’t really make it through his evolution speech anymore, but I am told that he never thinks more clearly than when he is praying. I guess old habits really do die hard.

            Since I am so familiar with this man, you may have already guessed that he is my dad. He is not perfect by any means—I could list his vices just the same as his virtues—but to me he has always embodied the ideals of Deuteronomy 6:4-9: devotion to God above all else, then to family as part of devotion to God. This passage is foundational for the subject of parenting, so let’s take a closer look at it today. Follow with me as I read it in context, beginning in v. 1 [READ Deut. 6:1-9].

The first lesson I would like to highlight from these verses is…

1. Teaching God’s commands to your children is simply part of your own devotion to God

            As we read vv. 4-9, perhaps you noticed an overall structure to these verses. In v. 4, Moses makes an assertion about God, and then we read this repeated phrase, “you shall…you shall…you shall.” Moses is simply teaching us a truth about God in v. 4, then he is telling us in vv. 5-9 what we should do in response to that truth. Notice that the command about parenting is simply one of those responses, and its tied up with the rest of them; it is not separated out as though it is in a category by itself.

            Let’s take a closer look at these verses before we draw an application from the overall structure. Verse 4 says, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one,” or we could also translate, “the one and only.” This verse was the heartbeat of the Jewish faith. If football and TV had been around back then, you would have seen Jewish people sitting behind the goalposts with a sign that said, “Deuteronomy 6:4.” It had the same kind of place that John 3:16 has in Christianity today.

            The Jewish people lived in a time and place in which most people worshipped several gods. Some of them may have been seen as more powerful than others, but they all deserved some degree of worship. The God of Israel, however, declared that He was it—He was the one and only God, and as such He deserved all worship.

            Consequently, that’s exactly the point that Moses made with the first “you shall” statement in v. 5: “you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.” I think there is a profound thought in the way that Moses said this—he said, “you shall love.” That puts our response to God in the context of a relationship. Love speaks of intimacy and affection. If this is the proper way to respond to God, it must mean that this is what God desires to have with us—a relationship of intimacy and affection.

            Now since we’re thinking about the subject of parenting, let me point out that this is a powerful insight for pointing our children toward God. Our kids tend to love what we love, especially when they’re young. They will usually root for the same teams that we root for and take an interest in the same hobbies that we’re interested in. They will tend to love the people whom we love, and yes—they tend to pick up our prejudices, too. But if they see in our lives that we love God—that we have intimacy with Him and affection toward Him—they will very likely start to develop that same love.

            In v. 6, we find the next “you shall” statement: “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart.” Jewish people back then associated the heart with thinking, rather than the mind or the brain like we do today. So in our language, Moses was simply telling the people to keep God’s commands on their minds. They were supposed to know them and think about them, which would allow them to carry out the next “you shall” statement in v. 7: “you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.”

            We’ll look more closely at this statement in just a moment, but for now, just recognize that Moses includes it as part of our overall response of love to God. He didn’t begin v. 7 with, “And now, on a totally unrelated note, teach your kids!” No—this task is simply part of our proper response to God in light of the fact that He is the one and only God.

            The final “you shall” statements come in vv. 8-9: “You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” The hand is the organ of action, and the eyes are the gateway to the inner man, so all of our actions and everything that comes into the mind or heart should be assessed by God’s commands. Likewise, our home life is to be arranged according to God’s commands. Everything that comes into our home and takes place there should be assessed by God’s commands.

            Now notice again how the command to teach our children is simply a part of our response to God in the same way as these other commands. I think this lesson can help us tremendously as we seek to be consistent in teaching and disciplining our children. Being consistent is one of the hardest parts of keeping the parenting process going moment after moment (let’s not even talk about day after day because each moment can have enough trouble of its own!). Its hard to consistently teach our kids because it requires effort.

            Sometimes its easier to let moments slip by without making the effort to teach or to discipline. But consider this—in many other activities we fight to be consistent because we think of them as acts of worship which express our love to God. We fight to be consistent in reading the Bible and praying and keeping our temper and holding our tongue and being honest because we think of these things in light of our relationship with God.

            We don’t give ourselves a pass on lying just because we didn’t feel like telling the truth. We fight to be honest because we love God, so here’s the key—we need to think of parenting in those same terms. The reason to fight for consistency as parents is because we love God; the reason to teach and discipline is because we love God. Its really not about our kids in the first place!

            This attitude is the bedrock of consistency in our parenting efforts. It allows us to say, “God, my kids are driving me crazy! I don’t feel like teaching or disciplining in this moment, but because I love you I choose to do what you ask.” Parenting is just as much a part of our response of love to God as praying and singing hymns; remembering this lesson is the key to consistency in our efforts.

Let’s take a closer look now at the specifics of the command to teach our kids. Here is the basic lesson that we discover in this verse…

2. Teaching God’s commands to your children is a moment-by-moment process that is carried out during the normal course of life

            Let’s read v. 7 once more: “You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” The four phrases at the end combine to describe the normal course of life. Wherever we are, whatever time it is, whatever circumstances we are in, we are to be teaching our children the commandments of God.

            The words “teach them diligently” translates a Hebrew verb that speaks of sharpening something. The word picture it creates in this verse is that of engraving or carving God’s commands into our children. I’ve never been into carving, but that’s a great word picture for parenting. When you carve something out of wood, for instance, you don’t hack off large pieces of wood with each stroke. It’s a slow and steady process—a delicate process—where you shave off tiny pieces with each pass of the knife.

            If we put this word picture for teaching in the context of the normal routine of life, the resulting thought is that we should take advantage of every circumstance and every moment to delicately carve our child’s character a little bit more than the moment before. That’s a beautiful way to think about parenting. It reminds us that the teaching process isn’t going to happen all at once. It encourages us to be patient, but also steady and deliberate.

            Let me point out an assumption within this command and an implication of this command. First of all, the assumption—this command assumes that you will be with your children in a variety of circumstances. You can’t teach them in a variety of circumstances if you’re not with them in a variety of circumstances.

            Now in Old Testament times, society was structured in a way that tended to draw parents and children together in various circumstances. Children were not typically educated outside the home—they were normally educated within the home, and boys would normally take on whatever occupation their father was in (“take your child to work day” was every day). So parents and children were together in the domestic setting of the home, an educational setting and an occupational setting.

            But consider the structure of our society today. You wake up in the morning and go to work—perhaps husband and wife both go to work—and your children go to school. You don’t see them again until at least the middle of the afternoon, and at various stages of life it might be more like 6- or 7 o’ clock. Then, they may have an activity in the evening or you may have an activity or a meeting, and before you know it, the day is over before there has been much opportunity for interaction.

            Now we can make some choices to structure our families in a different way, but we can’t escape from this structure completely. So what we must realize is that this structure tends to pull us apart rather than draw us together, which means that if we’re going to be together as families we have to make intentional choices to be together. The structure of our society will not help us with that, so we have to be thoughtful about how we can do it.

            In order to fulfill this command, then, we need to creatively and intentionally find ways to be together with our children. So what can we do? Well, for example, if you have other people over for dinner, don’t automatically send the kids off somewhere else to a kids’ table. If you can all fit around one table, do it. Let the kids listen to and even participate in adult conversation. They don’t have to sit there all night, but keep them together with you for a while.

            Or, if you take business trips at times, see about taking one of your children with you. That may not always be possible, but sometimes—with a little effort—it may, and what a valuable experience for your kids to see you in a business context. Those of you who farm have a great advantage in letting your kids work alongside you as they grow up.

            Finally, the implication of this command—you as a parent are the only one who will be with your child in a wide variety of circumstances, so this command gives you a role that no one else can fill. Schoolteachers cannot fill this role; pastors and Sunday School teachers cannot fill this role. The task of carving God’s commands into your children lies squarely at your feet because you are the constant for your children in all the comings and goings of life.

            But please don’t think of this role as an overwhelming responsibility; choose to see it instead as an unequaled opportunity. You are indispensible! You have a role that no one else can play! In terms of human relationships, you are the greatest influence in your child’s life and you are the object of your child’s greatest affections. That never really changes—its just not as cool for them to say it when they get older!

            You have a power to shape your children that is unrivaled, so if you will love God with all of your heart, all of your soul, and all of your might, and then delicately carve that love into your children, your influence can last for a lifetime!