Dealing With Decisions--Proverbs series

A farmer once hired a man to work for him. He told him his first task would be to paint the barn and said it should take him about three days to complete. But the hired man was finished in one day. The farmer set him to cutting wood, telling him it would require about 4 days. The hired man finished in a day and a half, to the farmer’s amazement. The next task was to sort out a large pile of potatoes. He was to arrange them into three piles: seed potatoes, food for the hogs, and potatoes that were good enough to sell. The farmer said it was a small job and shouldn’t take long at all. At the end of the day, however, the farmer came back and found the hired man had barely started. “What’s the matter here?” the farmer asked. The hired man replied, “I can work hard, but I can’t make decisions!”1

I imagine that many of us sometimes feel the same way. We feel as though we could glide through life rather smoothly if we just didn’t have to make so many decisions. There is a sense of responsibility that comes from making decisions that can be overwhelming to us. If someone would just tell us what to do, we could do it, and we could do it well.

But the truth is, we cannot escape the fact that we have to make decisions. We make millions of decisions in our lives, dealing with everything from what we will wear on a daily basis to who we will marry. Some of these decisions feel very insignificant, but some feel so important and life-changing that the fear of making a bad choice can become a crushing burden in our lives.

So how can we make good, God-honoring choices? How should we approach the process of decision making? These are the questions that we will deal with today in our study of the book of Proverbs. Let’s look together at three principles that Solomon shares with us about how to make good decisions.

I. Choose to Follow God’s Way of Living, Not Your Own

For every decision that we face in life, we can find guidance in God’s written Word—the Bible. This is true for every decision, without exception. In the Bible, God has explained the kind of life we should live, so as we make our decisions, we should choose to follow His way of living—not the way of living that might flow from the sinful desires that we have in our hearts.

Let’s look at a very familiar passage—Prov. 3:5–6. First of all, Prov. 3:5 says [READ 3:5]. One thing that we need to realize in life is that our understanding of the world has been influenced by many different things—such as the culture in which we live, the time period in which we live, and the part of the world in which we live. Our understanding of the world is influenced by many things, and they haven’t all been good influences!

Therefore, we need to trust in God and embrace His way of looking at our world. And as this verse says, we need to embrace His way whole-heartedly, because sometimes God’s way is really different from our way of looking at the world. For example, think about the command that God gives us to love our enemies. That command seems so backward to us. We’re tempted to think, “How in the world will it help me to love my enemy? I’ll just become a doormat, and he will just walk all over me!” But we can’t even imagine how God may work through our love, so when we’re faced with a choice like this in a relationship, we have to follow God’s way of living instead of our own.

Verse 6 then goes on to say, “In all your ways acknowledge him.” Now we could misunderstand this statement if we only took a casual glance at it. Sometimes we use the word “acknowledge” to speak of thanking someone after we have accomplished something, but this verse isn’t talking about something that we do after we have made a decision. In the American Heritage dictionary, the first definition for “acknowledge” is “to admit the existence, reality, or truth of.” The last option is the one that fits here. When we “acknowledge” God in this sense, we are admitting the truthfulness of His ways; we are agreeing that His way is true and correct.

So, in every path that we choose to follow, if we will admit that God’s path is true and right and then choose to follow that path, the last part of v. 6 says, “he will make straight your paths.” The picture behind this phrase is of someone walking in front of you to move things out of your way. That person is making your path smoother and easier.

A few years ago, President Bush visited the suburb of Kansas City that I was living in at the time, and I went out to the road to see his motorcade pass by. It was really a fascinating thing to watch. Before he came by, the police department went ahead of him and closed down every intersection that his motorcade would pass through. That way, there would be no other vehicles on the road, and he would have a smooth and steady ride all the way to his destination.

That’s the picture in v. 6—if we will trust God and follow His way of living, He will go ahead of us to make life smoother and steadier. This is quite a blessing, and we can enjoy it if we will choose to follow God’s path instead of our own.

Now oftentimes, we find ourselves facing choices where we say, “I would be happy to follow God’s path if I just knew what it was!” These times may come when we face choices about “big” life decisions, like what to do after high school or where we should live or whom we should marry. We often feel like the Bible doesn’t give us specific guidance for these choices, but in fact it does. It gives us specific guidance by helping us assess our motives and our goals.

In every choice that we make, we have certain motivations for making that choice, and we have certain goals that we hope to achieve by making that choice. The Bible has a lot to say about the motives and the goals that we should have in life, and we can get very specific guidance for our choices if we will assess our motives and our goals in light of Scripture.

The Bible is where we should look when we want to find God’s will for any decision. Too often we try to interpret how we feel or what our circumstances are or what the clouds look like on a certain day. But when you face a decision, God doesn’t expect you to try and interpret a shiver in your liver that supposedly tells you what His will is. In the Bible, God has given us all of the guidance that He feels we need, and all He expects of us is to make our choices within the parameters of biblical morality. If you will simply do that, you will be on the right path.

II. Seek and Accept Advice from Other People

After we have looked for God’s will in the Bible, we should seek and accept advice from other people before making our decisions. Follow with me as I read a few verses [READ 11:14, 12:15, 13:10, 15:22, 24:5–6]. All of these verses encourage us to get advice and counsel from other people. Remember who was making these statements—this was Solomon, the wisest man on the planet. 1 Kings 4 says “God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding beyond measure, and breadth of mind like the sand on the seashore” (4:29). People from all nations came to hear his wisdom (4:34).

So what does the wisest man on the planet say about making plans and decisions? He says it is wise to accept advice from other people. If there was ever a man who didn’t need advice from other people, it was Solomon, yet even he recognized its value and importance.

There are at least a couple of reasons that we need to be willing to accept advice from other people. First, we need to admit that we simply don’t know everything. Only God is omniscient, thus, consulting with other people can help us fill in the gaps in our knowledge so that we can make a better-informed decision.

Second, we have to remember the possibility that exists that we might deceive ourselves when we make our choices. Prov. 14:12 says, “There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” When we face a choice that has two or three or four options for us, it is very easy to deceive ourselves about why we prefer a certain option. Think if you were offered a better paying job than you have now. This job had better pay, better benefits—the whole package. A motivation of greed could come into play at that point, but it is very easy to dress up greed in nice clothes by saying things like, “I just want to provide more for my family.” Pride might also serve as a motivation, but we can dress that up with phrases like “career advancement” or “climbing the corporate ladder.”

But when we seek counsel from other people, they can help us see through our self-deception. They can bring in points-of-view that will help us think clearly again and make us take a cold, hard look at why we truly prefer a certain option.

III. Avoid Making Hasty Decisions

Follow with me as I read Prov. 19:2 [READ 19:2]. Your translation may read “a soul without knowledge” or “a person without knowledge.” The Hebrew term has a very broad range of meaning. It can refer to the entire person, or just the inner person—the soul—or even specifically to the desires of the soul. Regardless, this verse is warning us about making a decision before we have acquired adequate knowledge to make a wise decision.

Proverbs 21:5 carries a very similar warning [READ 21:5]. One definition of “diligence” is “attentive care.” A person who exercises attentive care in planning would be very thorough—he would take the time to consider every option and every possibility. The hasty person, however, is in too much of a hurry to give attentive care to planning and decision making and thus ends up in poverty.

Now, “haste” is not a word that we commonly use today. In one sense, it can simply speak of doing something quickly, which is not necessarily bad. But in the verses that we just read, “haste” clearly means making decisions too quickly, without taking the time to think them through. A quick decision is not necessarily bad if you already have enough good information to make a decision, but that’s a big “if.” That is also usually the problem—we simply assume that we have enough information without taking the time to make sure that we’re correct.

Sometimes we feel pressured to make quick decisions because we feel like we have to be “decisive.” That’s a popular term in leadership training today—being “decisive.” We’re told that a leader is decisive—“when you’re on the horns of a dilemma, you have to grab the horns and take charge. You have to be decisive! You can’t let people think that you don’t know what to do, so you have to make a decision!”

Well, again, a quick decision can be okay if you already have all the information you need, but as we have already seen, you better not simply assume that you already know what you need to know. Sometimes hasty decisions are motivated by pride. Perhaps we think we will look weak or ignorant if we seek out advice, so we just make whatever decision looks best and we run with it. Then sometimes we compound our problems by sticking with a bad decision that was made too quickly!

Giving careful thought to your decisions is not a sign of weakness—it is in fact a sign of wisdom. The simple act of making a quick decision means nothing in itself. It doesn’t mean that you are wise, confident, or a good leader. It could actually mean that you are rash, impulsive, impetuous, and downright foolish. So be careful in making your decisions—exercise attentive care in considering your options, and take the time to gather all the information that you need.

We all know the painful consequences that can come from making a bad decision, because we’ve all made bad decisions! We’ve failed to consult the Bible, or we’ve allowed sinful motivations to push us into a bad choice, or we’ve made a decision without really thinking through it. Our decisions are so very important, so it is vital that we take these lessons to heart today. Solomon has encouraged us to take advice from other people; we should start by taking his advice as he has laid it out in this book. Choose God’s way rather than your own; seek and accept advice from others; avoid making hasty decisions. If we will do these things, we can make choices that will keep us on the right path.


1From http://bible.org/illustration/can’t-make-decisions
Accessed May 13, 2011

Honoring Our Mothers and Wives--Mother's Day 2011

A little boy once forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation. His mother was in the front row to prompt him. She gestured and formed the words silently with her lips, but it did not help. Her son’s memory was blank. Finally, she leaned forward and whispered the cue, “I am the light of the world.” The child beamed and with great feeling and in a loud clear voice said, “My mother is the light of the world!”1

Our mothers may not be the light of the world, but undoubtedly they are the light of our lives. They deserve our thanks and our gratitude every day, but it is also very appropriate for us to celebrate a day like Mother’s Day, where we set aside some time to give them special recognition.

This morning we are going to look at a few verses that encourage us to honor our mothers—and not just our mothers, but our wives as well. We’ve been studying the book of Proverbs for several months now, and at the end of Proverbs we find a poem that praises the “virtuous woman” or the “excellent wife.” Why don’t you turn with me to Proverbs 31?

We find this poem in vv. 10–31. We’re not going to look at this entire poem today; we’re just going to focus on the last four verses that describe how this woman’s children and husband respond to her. If the majority of this poem teaches women to live, then these verses teach children and husbands how to honor their mothers and wives. Let’s read these verses [READ 31:28–31].

Let’s take a look at the behavior of the family in these verses. First, look at the children. Verse 28 says that they “rise up and call her blessed.” You can think of someone standing up to give a toast at a banquet or a party. That’s the idea here—the idea of making a declaration of kind words about another person. The end of the verse says that they call her “blessed,” which means that she is worthy of this praise that they give her.

So we can see that this action from the children even goes beyond the casual compliments that we HOPEFULLY give to our mothers on a regular basis. This behavior is more formal, more solemn, and I think we can say that it is even more public. At the very least, these compliments are spoken to a larger audience than just our mothers. Many of the things for which our mothers deserve praise are unknown to other people because they happen in the privacy of the home. Thus, I think it is very appropriate for us to praise our mothers to other people so that their godly deeds do not go unrecognized.

Next, the poem mentions the husband, and he, too, is praising his wife. He really shows us how to do it, men! He says, “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” That’s good stuff right there!

I think it may be very significant that the Bible records what the husband says to praise his wife. Men, it is very important for us to continually offer verbal praise and affirmation to our wives. This is a need for them that we don’t always understand because of our differences.

There is a book that was published about five years ago that I would encourage all men to read. It is called “For Men Only.” The book was based on a nationwide survey of over 3,000 women, and it was written to help men understand their wives more clearly so that we can love them more perfectly.

In this book, the authors write about the deep need that woman have to receive verbal affirmation from their husbands. In one chapter, they write about feelings of insecurity that women deal with. In their survey, they found that 70% of all women said that they occasionally or often wonder how their husband feels about them. But this might be the most surprising statistic for us, men—only 20% of women said that these thoughts only come up during a period of difficulty in the marriage. Do you understand what that means? Even if things are going fine by all accounts, your wife might still be feeling insecure about your love for her! This is not the way that we think, is it men? We tend to think that everything is fine unless we see our wives walking out the door with luggage! But women don’t feel that way, so they need to hear that you love them, and they need to hear it often. Among women who were younger than 45, 91% said that they occasionally or often feel insecure about their husband’s love. If that’s the case, then we should tell them often that we love them.

Our wives also need to hear that we think they’re beautiful. According to the survey, 60% of all women said that they have a deep need to know that their husband thinks they’re beautiful. Among women younger than 45, that percentage rose to 77%. But here’s the best part, men—when asked how they feel after their husband tells them they’re beautiful, 89% of all women said it makes their day. Only 8% said, “It’s nice, but I don’t care that much,” and only 3% said, “It makes no difference to me.” This means that even if your wife doesn’t feel like she needs to hear this from you, most likely it will make her day if you just tell her! So the husband in this poem sets a great example for us by verbally praising his wife. He tells her how he feels about her, and we should do the same.

Verse 30 is a great verse for every young man to keep in mind as he thinks about a potential spouse. The greatest trait a woman can have is the fear of the Lord. Charm is nice, but it may deceitful. Charm may be the only thing a woman possesses, and if that’s the case, she will not make a great wife. Beauty is great, but it will fade over time. Thus, both charm and beauty pale in comparison to the beautiful spirit that is manifested when a woman fears the Lord, and a woman with this kind of spirit deserves to be praised.

Verse 31 then continues on that theme. It says first of all, “give her of the fruit of her hands.” The concept of “fruit” speaks of what the woman has produced with her hard work. In this poem, the wife has brought prosperity to her home through her hard work, and this verse would tell us that she should be allowed to enjoy some of the benefits that her work has created. It would be unfair and unjust to deprive the wife of such blessings. Various lines in this poem describe other people enjoying what the wife’s work has provided, and she should be allowed to enjoy it as well.

Finally, the poem concludes by saying, “let her works praise her in the gates.” In Old Testament times, many cities had a wall built around them, and the area where the gate was located became the place where public matters were dealt with. Business affairs and legal matters were dealt with there. In Montezuma, USA, we would talk about Main Street; that’s where much of our business is conducted and where people bump into each other. So in the New Montezuma Translation of the Bible, we might say, “let her have a good reputation over on Main Street—among the people who gather for coffee at Eva’s, or the people you bump into in the post office. A virtuous wife deserves a good reputation in public.

Do you know what this means, men? It means that we need to be careful with the things that we say about our wives to others. When the All-Boys Club is in session, its easy to air our dirty laundry a bit, isn’t it? We might joke about our wives or tell stories about some of their short-comings. But—let her works praise her in the gates! Let her enjoy a good reputation among others. A virtuous wife and mother is like an angel from God, so don’t clip her wings with careless words!

Women have such an important role in our world, and that goes for mothers in particular. I want to close by reading a poem that beautifully describes the impact that mothers have on our world. It is called “The Hand that Rocks the Cradle.”

Blessings on the hand of women!
Angels guard its strength and grace,
In the palace [or the cottage],
Oh, no matter where the place;
Would that never storms assailed it,
Rainbows ever gently curled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Infancy's the tender fountain,
Power may with beauty flow,
Mother's first to guide the streamlets,
From them souls unresting grow--
Grow on for the good or evil,
Sunshine streamed or evil hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Woman, how divine your mission
Here upon our [native] sod!
Keep, oh, keep the young heart open
Always to the breath of God!
All true trophies of the ages
Are from [mother’s] love impearled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.

Blessings on the hand of women!
Fathers, sons, and daughters cry,
And the sacred song is mingled
With the worship in the sky--
Mingles where no tempest darkens,
Rainbows evermore are hurled;
For the hand that rocks the cradle
Is the hand that rules the world.2

1 Bits and Pieces, August, 1989
From http://bible.org/illustration/my-mother-light-world Accessed May 4, 2011

2 Poem by William Ross Wallace. Brackets represent my own updates to the language.

Why Do We Have a Time for Self-Examination Before the Lord's Supper?--Understanding the Lord's Supper series

You may have noticed that we kind of have a routine here at church. We are not a liturgical church, which means that we don’t have certain prayers or Scriptures that we repeat every week, but we still have a routine. We do about the same number of songs every week, and we have our announcements and offering at about the same time, and the sermon is about the same length (provided that Pastor Tim doesn’t get long-winded!).

Now there’s nothing wrong with routine as long as we understand and remember why we do the things we do. But routines have a way of becoming ruts, and when we get stuck in a rut and mindlessly go through the motions, then we have a problem. It’s like the story about the man who won a beautiful ham as a prize at his job. He proudly brought it home to his wife, and she started to prepare it for dinner. As she did, she took a knife and cut off the end of ham. The husband nearly flipped out when he saw this. He said, “That’s my prize ham! Why did you cut the end off of it?” The wife replied, “That’s the way my mother always cooked ham.” So she calls her mom and asks, “Why did you cut off the end of a ham before you cooked it?” And her mom said, “That’s the way my mother always cooked ham.” So they contact grandma and ask her about it, and grandma says, “I don’t know why you two do it, but I never had a pan that was big enough for a whole ham!”

So as we deal with things in church that might become routine, we want to make sure that we understand what we are doing. One routine or tradition that we have in church is celebrating the Lord’s Supper, or Communion. We don’t celebrate the Lord’s Supper every Sunday, but I try to schedule it about every six weeks. This ceremony is one of those routines that could become a rut, so its very important that we understanding the meaning behind this important memorial of Christ’s death.

So, for the next several times that we celebrate the Lord’s Supper, we’re going to talk about what it means and answer some questions that may come up as we think about this ceremony. The question we’re going to deal with today is, “Why do we have a time for self-examination before the Lord’s Supper?” Where do we find this in Scripture and why do we do it?

Why don’t you turn with me to 1 Corinthians 11? When you think of passages that would talk about the Lord’s Supper, you might naturally think of the Gospels, since they record the life of Christ, but actually, what we do today in the Lord’s Supper comes mostly from 1 Corinthians 11. In that chapter, Paul wrote to the church in Corinth about some problems that they had in their celebration of the Lord’s Supper and he told them how to properly observe this ceremony.

So our teaching for the Lord’s Supper comes out of the context of problems in that church. As we look at this passage, we’ll see what the problem was and how Paul told them to correct it.

I. The Problem—Divisiveness and Selfishness in the Congregation (11:17–22)

First, let’s look at vv. 17–19 [READ vv. 17–19]. Here, Paul puts his finger on the basic problem—divisiveness. The church in Corinth was a fractured congregation. They lacked unity in their relationships, and this seems to have been the result of rampant selfishness in the congregation. As you read through this book, you discover that the people were being selfish in many different ways. They were being selfish in the expression of their sexuality. Some people were engaged in sexual immorality, and apparently some husbands and wives were also being selfish in this area of their marriage. The people were selfishly taking each other to court in lawsuits; they were selfishly using their freedom in Christ without concern for those who had a weak conscience; they were selfishly using their spiritual gifts to build up their own pride. All of this led to a very divided congregation.

Now in v. 18, Paul seems to acknowledge that the reality of their situation may not be quite as bad as the report he has heard about them. But nevertheless, he says that he believes it, because with these attitudes present in the church, he acknowledges that factions and divisions were inevitable. But as only God can do, we see at the end of v. 19 that even these divisions could have a positive result, because they would reveal who was living with a godly attitude and who was not.

Now—sadly—in the next few verses we learn that their selfishness was on full display in their celebrations of the Lord’s Supper [READ vv. 20–22]. Here’s the background to what Paul was describing in these verses. It was common at that time for churches to celebrate the Lord’s Supper in the context of a meal that was known as “the love feast.” This meal was like the carry-in dinners that we enjoy here, and the Lord’s Supper would be celebrated as part of it.

As with our carry-in dinners, the people would all bring something to contribute to the meal, but as we can see in these verses, the people in Corinth weren’t sharing their food with each other! Can you imagine that? They would all bring what they could bring, but then they would just eat it themselves! And the result, Paul says, is that some people were going hungry, and some people were getting drunk!

What a ridiculous scene this must have been, and it was all a result of the pervasive selfishness that existed in their congregation. As a result, Paul basically said in v. 20, “You can’t really call this mockery the Lord’s Supper!” They were disregarding the Lord’s desire for them and the attitude of the One whom the remembrance was all about.

So in vv. 23–26, Paul goes on to remind them what the Lord’s Supper was all about, and the attitude that was displayed by the Lord was the right example for the people to follow.

II. The Right Example—The Lord Jesus and His Sacrificial Death (11:23–26)

Let’s read vv. 23–26 [READ vv. 23–26]. Obviously, there is much in these verses that we could talk about, and we will over the next several times that we celebrate the Lord’s Supper, but today, notice several things that remind us how unselfish the Lord Jesus was.

First, Paul notes in v. 23 that Jesus did and said these things “on the night when he was betrayed.” Remember, Jesus’ death came about through an act of betrayal from a close companion. Undoubtedly, this added some emotional grief to everything else that Jesus suffered, but did you realize that Judas was actually present when Jesus instituted the Lord’s Supper? He was still in the room; he took part in all of this! Luke 22:21 records that after Jesus said and did these things with the bread and the cup, he said, “Behold, the hand of him who betrays me is with me on the table.” Judas was still there! The Lord allowed Judas to participate in this moment that would memorialize the death that he was about to cause! And remember, shortly before that, on the same night, the Lord Jesus washed Judas’s feet, as he did for the rest of his disciples.

Clearly, Jesus continued to show love to Judas even though he knew what Judas was about to do. He continued to extend compassion and consideration to Judas until the moment that Judas left to do his wicked deed. What an example of selfless love, and this was an example that the Corinthians had disregarded in the way that they observed the Lord’s Supper.

Second, notice the reminder in Jesus’ words that His death was for us. After He had broken the bread, He said, “This is my body which is for you.” Jesus’ death was both for our benefit and in our place. It was the culmination of the most unselfish act in history—when God came into our world as a man, and served us and taught us, and then died in our place to pay the penalty for our sins. His great love for us led Him to do this, and we should follow His example to show love to our fellow believers. A preacher from the early church named John Chrysostom reminds us, “that the Master gave up everything, including himself, for us, whereas we are reluctant even to share a little food with our fellow believers.”

Clearly the Corinthians were not honoring Jesus in their celebration of the Lord’s Supper. This problem needed a solution, which we find in the rest of this passage.

III. The Solution—Examining our Hearts for Selfish Attitudes and Acts (11:27–34)

Because of the way in which they had been treating each other, Paul instructs the Corinthians to have a time for self-examination before they partook of the Lord’s Supper. This step would help them avoid some of the serious consequences that they were facing because of their sin. Let’s read through the end of the chapter [READ vv. 27–34].

As you can see, God considered their mockery of the Lord’s Supper to be a very serious matter. He had brought illness upon some of them because of it, and some of them had died as a result! According to Paul in v. 31, the way to avoid such discipline from the Lord is to judge ourselves—to confess our sins and repent of them and thus deal with them ourselves, so that the Lord does not have to deal with us in discipline.

So we can see there in v. 31 and back in v. 28, Paul instructs us to examine ourselves before we partake of the Lord’s Supper. But what exactly should we be looking for when we examine ourselves? The key is found in v. 29, where Paul says that we must “discern the body;” or we might say “acknowledge the body” or “recognize the body” (your translation may read “the Lord’s body”). The Greek word speaks of rendering a legal decision, which would give someone the justice they deserve.

So what Paul seems to be talking about here is not the physical body of the Lord Jesus, but the spiritual body of Christ—or in other words, the church; the members of the congregation. Paul had already mentioned the spiritual body of Christ in this book, and he was about to launch into a long discussion of it in chapter 12.

Thus, during this time of self-examination before the Lord’s Supper, our primary focus should be to assess our relationships with our fellow Christians, our fellow members of the body of Christ. Certainly it would be appropriate to confess our secret sins to the Lord during that time—those sins that no one else knows about—but first and foremost we should consider the way we have acted toward other members of the church and determine if we have anything that we need to make right with them. This idea is similar to what Jesus said in Matthew 5:23–24—“If you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

We cannot pretend to offer God pure worship if we have sinned against His children—our brothers and sisters. This lesson today is just another reminder that my Christian life is not just about me and God—it is about me, God, and others. The Christian life is a communal life; accepting Christ makes me part of a community to which I must be rightly related if I am going to honor God.

So in our time of self-examination before the Lord’s Supper, this is primarily what we are assessing—our relationships with our fellow believers. It could be that we will remember something we have done for which we need to ask forgiveness, and if that’s the case, then it would be best for us to refrain from taking the Lord’s Supper until we have had a chance to make that right. Thus, with this lesson, the Lord’s Supper becomes a reminder not only of our bonds with Christ, but of our bonds with each other as well.

A Victory For All People--Easter Through the Eyes of Nicodemus

(The following is my sermon from Easter Sunday. It was presented in a style called a first-person sermon. This kind of sermon is one in which I play the role of a biblical character from the Bible.)

Good morning! It is such a privilege to be here with you this morning. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined a day like this—a day where millions of people around the world remember and worship Yeshua ben Yosef, the Lord Jesus, and His glorious resurrection. And to think that people in a land that I didn’t even know about would be worshipping Him—it is all so overwhelming!

My name is Nicodemus, and I am here today to tell you about my story. You may wonder why I am here instead of someone like Peter or John. Many people don’t realize that I became a believer in Jesus because of the events surrounding his crucifixion. Did you know that? Well, if you didn’t, I only have myself to blame, because I was slow to come to faith in Jesus, and I was intimidated to share my true thoughts about Him.

I hope that on this Easter Sunday, you won’t mind listening to the recollections of an old man. I know that many of you have a busy day ahead of you. I’ve been told that many of you will hunt for candy-filled eggs in your yard later today. You must have some strange chickens in your country! And I still can’t believe that many of you eat ham on a day that honors a Jewish man! But if you will bear with me for a little while, I would like to tell you how I came to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the one who saves us from our sins!

When Jesus first began to make Himself known to the public, I was a member of the Jewish ruling council called the Sanhedrin. It was similar to the Supreme Court that you have in your country, except we had seventy members instead of nine. Our council was divided primarily into two factions—the Sadducees and the Pharisees. I was a proud member of the Pharisees. Our factions were divided more or less over two issues. The first was our belief in the doctrine of what you call today the “Old Testament.” We Pharisees took great pride in preserving and following everything that God had spoken to our people through Moses and the prophets, but the Sadducees weren’t very interested in what they considered to be “religious superstitions.”

Our second point of disagreement was the way in which we related to the Roman Empire. Our people were ruled by the Romans at that time, and the Sadducees were willing to be more welcoming of their authority. We Pharisees, on the other hand—you might say that we tolerated the Romans, mostly because we felt like we had no other choice. But we longed for the day when God would send the Messiah, whom He had promised in the Old Testament, who would come and set up a kingdom based on God’s rule, not Roman rule.

That is why many of us among the Pharisees were intrigued when we heard about Jesus. He had certainly made a splash when He became a public figure. During the Passover feast that year, Jesus came to celebrate in Jerusalem, as all Jewish men were required to do. But when He arrived in town, He went to the Temple and began to chase out all of the people who were selling animals and all of the people who were exchanging foreign money for Jewish money. He kept saying that the Temple was His Father’s house and that it was supposed to be a place for prayer, not a marketplace.

And if that wasn’t enough to draw attention, He then started to teach people about God and heal them of various diseases. We were very curious about Jesus, but we didn’t know what to make of Him. We knew that He had been praised by John the Baptist, but that was kind of a mixed blessing to us Pharisees. After all, John had called us a brood of vipers when we visited him, so a lot of us were offended by him.

Still, when we considered Jesus, we couldn’t deny that God was with Him because of the power that He had to perform miracles. We decided that we needed to find out more about Him, so I decided to go and speak to Him personally. However, at that time, I didn’t feel like I could afford to be publicly associated with Him, so I went and spoke to Him at night when there was less of a chance that I would be discovered. I didn’t want anyone to think that I was necessarily giving my approval of this man. This is the story that many of you know from John 3.

When I went to visit Jesus, I wanted to approach Him with more than just common courtesy. I wanted to communicate respect, so I addressed Him as “rabbi,” which was the title given to honored teachers. I greeted Him and said, “Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with Him.”

He listened to my greeting and He was courteous, but His response made it clear that He wasn’t interested in sitting around and exchanging pleasantries. It was as if He said, “You call me a teacher, do you? Well, then, here’s what you need to learn!” He said to me, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.”

I have to admit, I was kind of taken aback by these words. I didn’t understand quite what He meant by them, but by the way that He introduced His statement, I knew that He considered this to be a very important lesson. He was clearly talking about the way to find a place in the kingdom that the Messiah would set up, but what did He mean that we had to be born again? I and the Pharisees believed that following the Law and our traditions was the way to enter the kingdom of God, be He seemed to be saying that something totally different was necessary.

An awkward silence hung in the air as I thought about these words. I didn’t know quite what to say, so I tried to break the silence with some sarcastic humor. I said, “How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?”

My words were ill-conceived, but I didn’t know what else to say. I was relieved but even more perplexed when Jesus went on to say, “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.” Jesus was indeed a good teacher, because He stayed right with the main point! But I was still a poor student, because I didn’t understand what He was saying. Jesus seemed to be saying that a spiritual cleansing was necessary to enter the kingdom of God. It wasn’t until later that I remembered that God had said the same thing through the prophet Ezekiel. He spoke through the prophet about a spiritual cleansing, and He said, “I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you…And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules (Ezek 36:25–27).”

That’s what Jesus was talking about—the need to be cleansed from our sins. But I didn’t understand at the time. He explained it further, but in exasperation I said, “How can these things be?” Then Jesus said something that cut me to the heart. He said, “Are you the teacher of Israel and yet you do not understand these things?” He was right—I should have understood what He was saying, but I didn’t. He even connected His lesson to a story about Moses from the Old Testament, but I wouldn’t understand that until later.

I left my conversation with Jesus confused, but with a heart-felt respect for Him. I never personally spoke to Him again, but you can be sure that I followed His every move. All of us Pharisees did, especially as He continued to teach and heal the people. Many of the Pharisees turned against Him because He started to publicly criticize us. He called us hypocrites; He told the people that we said all the right things, but we didn’t do them. We talked about honoring God, but as He put it, we had put our own traditions in place of God’s Law, so we were no longer serving God but simply our own pride.

This kind of talk enraged many of my colleagues, so we ordered that Jesus be arrested and brought to us. This story is recorded at the end of John 7. We sent some officers to arrest Jesus, but they came back to us empty-handed. When we asked why, they simply said, “No one ever spoke like this man!” It was clear that they had been impressed by Him as well. My colleagues, however, were not impressed, and they began to insult the officers and the crowds of common people who were believing in Jesus.

It was clear that most of my colleagues in the Sanhedrin had already condemned Jesus. This really did not sit well with me, because we hadn’t even given Jesus a hearing yet. We were disregarding our own Law, which we supposedly cared so much about, so I stood up and said, “Does our law judge a man without first giving him a hearing and learning what he does?”

I saw maybe one or two sympathetic nods in the crowd, but otherwise it was clear that my objection had fallen on deaf ears. They began to insult me as well, suggesting that I was prejudiced and ignorant. I wish now that I had stood my ground, but I was ashamed to be humiliated in front of my colleagues. So, I fell silent.

Little did I know that I would later have another opportunity to speak up for Jesus before that Sanhedrin; that is, after he was betrayed by Judas and arrested. But in that moment, I cowered, and said nothing. I still was not a follower of Jesus, but I knew that whole trial was a sham. An amateur student of our Law could have seen how illegal the whole thing was! But it didn’t matter, because Jesus didn’t stand a chance of getting a fair trial. I still regret that I didn’t speak out against this injustice, but in hindsight, I know that—incredibly—it was all part of God’s plan.

As you know, the trials came to their pre-determined verdict, and after some more shady maneuvering, we got Pilate to allow Jesus to be crucified. I had really had my fill of this whole ordeal, but many of my colleagues went out to watch His crucifixion, and I felt myself compelled to go with them. I could have gone my whole life without seeing another crucifixion, but for some reason I felt drawn to go along.

When I arrived at the crucifixion site—a place called Golgotha—they had already crucified two other men, and they were preparing to lift Jesus’ cross up into place between them. When His cross was set into position, Jesus was lifted up high off the ground, and something that he had said during our conversation came back to me at that moment. He told me that he had to be lifted up, as Moses had lifted up the serpent in the wilderness. You see, in the Old Testament, there was a time when the people of Israel had sinned against God, and God brought His judgment against the people by sending poisonous snakes into their camp. But God told Moses to make a bronze model of a snake and put it high up on a pole in the camp, and whoever would have the faith to look at the snake would be delivered from God’s judgment—or in other words, they would be cleansed from their sin.

And then I realized—this was what Jesus was talking about! The new birth, the spiritual cleansing, gaining entrance to God’s kingdom, it all revolved around this moment—and it was playing out right before my eyes! Jesus had been lifted up, and He was dying on that cross, but somehow His death would make that spiritual cleansing—that forgiveness—possible, for as He said, whoever believes in Him would have eternal life.

I’m not sure that I could have explained all of that at the moment, but somehow I knew that what Jesus said was true. I needed to be spiritually cleansed; I needed to be born again, and somehow His death was making that possible for me if I would only believe in Him. And so I did. Even though I didn’t know what that would mean for me in the days to come, I believed.

I stayed there at the foot of the cross until Jesus passed away. Most of my colleagues shouted at Him and insulted Him, and encouraged the crowd to do the same. But there were a handful of us who remained silent and watched. One of my colleagues, Joseph of Arimathea, must of seen that something profound was on mind, because he came over and put his hand on my shoulder. I had hesitated to speak up for Jesus in the past, but I couldn’t keep quiet anymore about what Jesus had said, and so I told Joseph about my conversation with Jesus, and that I now believed in Him.

Then I heard something that I never expected—Joseph said that he, too, believed in Jesus. In fact, he had for quite some time, but he had kept quiet because of fear of the rest of the Sanhedrin. But he said he could no longer hide his love for Jesus, and that he was about to make a bold move. He said that he couldn’t stand the thought that Jesus’ body might end up in the common grave for crucified criminals, so he was going to ask Pilate to give the body to him.

This was bold indeed, because then everyone would know that he was a follower of Jesus, but I thought it was a great way to honor Him. I asked Joseph if I could join him, and he agreed. We would have to hurry because it was almost the day of Sabbath, when we would have to cease all of our work, so Joseph went and spoke to Pilate and I gathered up the linen fabric and the spices that we would need to give Jesus a proper burial. You can read about this in John 19.

You know, I love the way that our brother John recorded my involvement in all of this. There in John 19:39, he reminds you that I was the one who had come to Jesus by night, under the cover of darkness. It’s true—I had been afraid back then to associate with Jesus, but I was no longer afraid. I had come to believe that Jesus was the Messiah, and that He had come into the world to save us from our sins. And when he rose from the dead, everything I believed was confirmed.

I had received new life and forgiveness of my sins from Jesus. I was born again. No, I never re-entered the womb to be born a second time. I was spiritually cleansed, and you can be cleansed as well if you will simply believe in Jesus.

Being a Best Friend--Proverbs series

It has often been said that dogs are a man’s best friend. I hope that relationship says more about dogs than it does about men, but maybe that’s up for debate! At least dogs are almost always cheaper than diamonds, which are said to be a girl’s best friend. I don’t know how true that is, but if we modify that phrase a little bit, I think we can hit on something that really is true. Perhaps we should say that best friends are like diamonds, because they are precious and rare. You don’t meet a best friend every day, but when you do, you have truly found something that is very valuable.

Friends play a major role in our lives. That’s true even if you feel like you don’t have many friends! Our friends are often on our minds, and always in our hearts. We spend a lot of our social time with them, and they have a big influence on the way that we think and act. And since we have such a close bond to our friends, it is natural and appropriate for us to desire to be a good friend to them.

So how can we do that? How can we be a good friend to these people who mean so much to us? It should be no surprise that a wise man like Solomon recognized the value of friendship, and he gave us some advice in the book of Proverbs about how to be a good friend. That’s what we’re going to learn about together this morning.

How can I be a good friend?

I. Be loving toward your friend at all times (17:17)

This statement may seem like the equivalent of 2 + 2 = 4, but there’s a little more to this than meets the eye. Let’s look at Prov. 17:17 [READ 17:17]. This verse mentions two of the closest relationships in our lives. From a biological perspective, there is no one more closely related to you than a brother or a sister, and ideally our relationships are supposed to reflect that. We should be there for our siblings in times of adversity, and they should do the same for us.

A friend, as we see, fulfills a very similar role in our lives. In fact, Prov. 18:24 even says, “there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” A friendship happens by choice, so sometimes we’re closer to our friends than our siblings, because our siblings had no choice.

Prov. 17:17 gives us a basic statement about how we should act as a friend—we are to show the love of God to our friends at all times. That last phrase doesn’t place any limits on our love, does it? This means that we need to show the love of God to our friends even when they’re not very lovable, even when we get nothing in return for it, even if they have hurt us.

This idea really rules out any selfish motivations that we might have in our friendships. From time to time, we’re all tempted to look at our friends and think, “What have you done for me lately? Why haven’t you called? Why didn’t you invite me to do such and such?” But if we want to be a good friend, we won’t let such temptations motivate us. We will endeavor to show the love of God at all times.

Now we do need to make sure that we understand what it means to show the love of God to our friends, because there is a grand canyon between godly love and the way that many people think of love today. Many people in our culture think that loving your friends means that you are supposed to support every decision that they make, no matter what it is. An acquaintance of mine has recently made some sinful choices in her marriage, and consequently she has separated from her husband. Not long after they separated, she posted an update on Facebook that basically said, “I guess now I will know who my true friends are.” What she meant is that anyone who supported her decision would be a true friend and anyone who disagreed with her decision would be a false friend.

That’s the kind of confusion about friendship that we have all around us today, so we need to take a look at God’s description of love. There is no better place to find out what love is than 1 Cor. 13, so why don’t you turn there with me? Let’s walk step by step through vv. 4–7 and we’ll talk about what this description means in the context of friendship:

• Love is patient. This would mean that love is slow to take offense. Let’s face it—even our friends hurt us at times, so loving them would mean that we are gracious toward their faults and patient with them when they step on our toes.
• Love is kind. This means that we act for the good of our friends. We seek their benefit and welfare through our behavior.
• Love does not envy. Thus, we would not desire to take what our friends have for our own gain, and we would rejoice when they are honored rather than succumb to jealousy.
• Love does not boast. Thus, we would not brag to our friends to exalt ourselves over them.
• Love is not arrogant or rude. This means that we would not act in ways that are prideful or impolite.
• Love does not insist on its own way. Love for a friend thus means that you are considerate of them and not domineering.
• Love is not irritable or resentful. We should not become easily angered with our friends or harbor a grudge against them, bringing up their failures again and again.
• Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. This is exactly what we touched on a moment ago. If I love my friend, then I cannot celebrate when they sin; I cannot encourage them when they choose a sinful path. Instead, I rejoice when they are living in the truth.
• Love bears all things…endures all things. Love does not vanish when the going gets tough.
• Love believes all things, hopes all things. Love believes the best about others. It stands ready to give a friend the benefit of the doubt and to think the best of them.

This description of true, biblical love is an inspiration for us in our friendships. Just imagine the depth of the relationships that we could cultivate through this kind of behavior toward others. Paul wrote this description to the Corinthians because there were some broken bonds of friendship there, but this kind of love could mend even the deepest wounds. So to be a good friend, we must love with this love at all times.

II. Be considerate when your friend is grieving (25:20)

One of the sweetest privileges that we have as a friend is to be a source of comfort during a season of grief. But if we don’t approach this task in the right manner, we can actually do more harm than good. Let’s read Prov. 25:20 [READ 25:20]. The idea of singing songs to a heavy heart is basically the idea of trivializing someone’s grief—laughing it off or treating it like its no big deal. Sometimes when we visit a person who is grieving, we find ourselves thinking, “I just need to make them smile before I leave. I’ve just got to get them to laugh again.” I think we might take that approach because otherwise, we just don’t know what else to do or what else to say. But we really don’t need to feel compelled to do that. In fact, we may simply make our friend feel lonely, as though we really don’t understand their pain and thus they have no one to share it with.

This verse says that by trivializing someone’s grief we are “like one who takes off a garment on a cold day.” That’s obviously not beneficial. It also says that such an approach is “like vinegar on soda.” You probably made this combination in a science class at some point. This combination is used in the experiment that simulates a volcano erupting. Well, just as vinegar and soda produce this overflowing reaction when they combine, we might cause our friend’s grief to overflow if we treat it like its no big deal.

When you are ministering to a grieving friend, you don’t have to feel the need to make everything out to be rainbows and sunshine! A much better approach is given when the Bible tells us to weep with those who weep. That doesn’t mean we have to manufacture tears; it simply means that we should sympathize with the other person. If they feel like weeping, then let them weep on your shoulder. If they feel like remembering happier times, then help them reminisce. And if you can’t think of anything to say, don’t worry about it! Just don’t minimize or trivialize your friend’s grief, and you’ll be on the right path.

Proverbs also gives us a couple more very practical suggestions.

III. Be considerate in visiting your friend (25:17)

Let’s look at Prov. 25:17 [READ 25:17]. To put it simply, don’t wear out your welcome! A literal translation of the first line would read, “make your foot precious in your companion’s house,” with precious being understood in the sense of something that is rare and thus valuable, like a gemstone or a precious jewel. This is how we want our visits to be, isn’t it? Rather than an annoyance, we want our visits with our friends to be precious times.

Now this lesson may not seem like a particularly spiritual one, but it is important to consider as we relate to our friends. Its ironic, but sometimes the recipients of our most inconsiderate behavior are the people closest to us, like our family members or our friends. Sometimes we almost feel like we don’t need to be considerate of our friends because they’re our friends, and we think they should just understand our behavior. But in reality, we need to treat our friends with the same consideration that we would give to anyone else so that we don’t take advantage of their love for us. From Prov. 25:17, its clear that we should not take advantage of their hospitality. Obviously, this is not saying that we have to purposely avoid our friends, we just need to be considerate of them.

Its along this same line that we find our final lesson.

IV. Be considerate in how and when you talk to your friend (27:14)

Prov. 27:14 is kind of a humorous verse, except if you’re on the receiving end of this blessing. Turn with me to this verse [READ 27:14]. This blessing did not have the desired effect because it was spoken at the wrong time and in the wrong way. We learned in a previous sermon that our words have the power to do tremendous harm or tremendous good, and part of that depends on when and how we speak. Proverbs 15:23 (NET Bible) says, “A person has joy in giving an appropriate answer, and a word at the right time—how good it is!”

This is another area in which we need to be considerate of our friends, because it is very easy to let your mouth run wild with a friend. One of the best things about a friend is that you can tell them what’s on your heart, and you can discuss anything with them, but that doesn’t give us a license to be careless with our words. Sometimes we talk to our friends in very careless, and again, we think that they should just understand because they’re our friends. But if we’re considerate in how and when we talk to our friends, then we can avoid causing any unnecessary conflict or irritation.

Our friends are a great blessing in our lives, and I’m sure we can all agree that we don’t want to give them anything less than true, godly love. After all, they’ve often stood by us in our darkest hours and loved us in the midst of our strangest behavior.

An old “Peanuts” comic strip recorded a conversation between Peppermint Patty and Marcie. In the first panel, Pepperment Patty said, “I’d like to read this book Marcie, but I’m kind of afraid. I had a grandfather who didn’t think much of reading.” She continued in the next panel and said, “He always said that if you read too many books, your head would fall off.” And in the final panel, Marcie replies, “You start the first chapter, and I’ll hold onto your head!”1

Sounds like true friendship, doesn’t it? People like that, who are willing to love us in our strangest moments, deserve our strongest love.


1. From http://bible.org/illustration/charlie-brown Accessed 4/12/11

Your Family--Handle With Care!--Proverbs series

Its interesting to watch commercials and think about how the companies are trying to sell their products. Oftentimes, their commercials seem to suggest that all of our wildest dreams will come true if we buy their product. We will reach a whole new level of fulfillment and enjoyment in life that simply would not be possible without their product!

Imagine with me for a moment that a company created a product that could actually live up to that kind of hype. This product really could give you a level of fulfillment and enjoyment that is matched by almost nothing else in the world. That would be quite a product, wouldn’t it? I think every one of us would want to own something like that!

There is, however, one little catch with this product—if you use it incorrectly, it will introduce emotional pain into your life like nothing you’ve felt before. That raises the stakes, doesn’t it? So this product is capable of giving you the highest highs and the lowest lows. I hope they would mark the box, “handle with care!”

Now if you had a product like that, I’m sure you would read the instruction manual to find out how to use it correctly. You wouldn’t want to take the chance of bringing that kind of emotional pain into your life.

Well, as you know, there is no such product like this in the world, but we all have something that is capable of giving us the highest highs and the lowest lows, and it is called our family. Family relationships can be one of your greatest sources of fulfillment and enjoyment in life, but they can also bring you hurt and pain like virtually nothing else. The difference lies in the way that we handle those relationships, so we would be wise to read the instructions given to us by the creator of the family, God Himself.

Today we’re going to take a look at what the book of Proverbs has to say about family relationships, and we’ll answer this question together:

How should we handle our family relationships?

I. Obey and honor your parents

I won’t spend much time talking about obeying your parents, because we’ve already discussed that in a previous sermon. Let’s just touch on a few verses here. Look at Prov. 23:22 [READ 23:22]. The first part of that verse tells us to “listen” to our parents, and the point of course is that we would take to heart what they have to say and then do it. Several other verses tell us that we will bring tremendous happiness to our parents if we will obey them, because by doing so we will display wisdom [READ 23:15–16, 23:24–25].

Its difficult to understand the emotional impact that you have on your parents until you become a parent yourself. You can think of it kind of like this—emotionally speaking, its like there’s a gun aimed at your parents’ hearts at all times, and your finger is on the trigger. Through your choices, you can either fill their hearts with holes, or you can leave them filled with joy. This is true even when you’re grown and out of the house, so just remember the emotional impact that your choices have on your parents.

Notice one more thing about Prov. 23:22. The second part of the verse says, “do not despise your mother when she is old.” Think about that for a moment—when your parents are old, you will be an adult by that time, so according to this verse, we need to consider our relationship with our parents even when we are adults. Our obligations to our parents don’t change when we exit the teenage years!

Now from a biblical perspective, we are no longer asked to obey our parents in our adult years, but as this and other verses say, we are still called to honor them. So no matter what stage of life you’re in, if your parents are still living, you still have an obligation to them. How sad it is to think that we might “despise” our parents! That word means that we would treat them as though they have little value, as though they are not worthy of our attention or our concern. How sad it is to think that we might have such a mindset! Our parents have given us so much, and they deserve honor from us in return.

II. Remember that your spouse is a gift from the Lord

Marriage has been the source of countless jokes over the years about the way that husbands and wives relate. We joke at times about nagging wives or stubborn husbands, but one reality that’s no joke is that if you have a good spouse, you truly have a gift from God. Look with me at Prov. 18:22 [READ 18:22]. No jokes, please, about how the verse doesn’t mention husbands! Remember, King Solomon—a man—wrote these words, so naturally he writes about a wife, but these words are just as true of a husband.

Next, turn with me to Prov. 19:14 [READ 19:14]. What a beautiful way to think about your spouse! A house and wealth are very nice things to have, but Solomon says that humans can give us that stuff. A prudent or wise spouse on the other hand—that is a blessing that only God can give.

That’s God’s desire when He gives us a spouse—He desires to bless us, to give us something that will be a source of goodness and joy in our lives. What a difference it would make in our marriages if we remembered to think of our spouses in that light! How about if we told each other regularly, “You are a blessing from God in my life?” Ladies, wouldn’t your hearts melt if you heard that from your husband? Men, wouldn’t you stand up just a little bit taller if you heard that message from your wife? This would certainly be an improvement over the other ways that we could think of our spouses—such as a hindrance, or a ball and chain, or a leash!

Now it is certainly true that our spouses do not always turn out to be a source of blessing for us. Sometimes through their choices they bring tremendous pain into our lives (and actually, we’re going to talk about this in just a moment). But as Christians, we of all people should know that exceptions do not disprove this rule. That would be like saying that a kite flying in the air disproves the law of gravity! God intends for your marriage to be a blessing in your life, and it will be if you follow His instructions for your marriage.

III. Remember the grief you can cause by being a quarrelsome spouse

As a husband or wife, you have a tremendous capacity to make life either sweet or sour for your spouse. In fact, you can make life within your home almost unbearable! Look with me at Prov. 21:9 [READ 21:9]. Now men, don’t say “amen” too loudly here! Just be careful! And remember, verses like this apply to both a husband and a wife; Solomon simply writes about a wife since he’s writing from his perspective as a man.

Let me explain some cultural background here that will help us understand what Solomon means by living “in a corner of the housetop.” In those days, the Jewish people built their homes with a flat roof. They weren’t angled like ours; they were flat, and they often served as some extra living space—kind of like a patio. It was common for people to build a small room on the roof that basically served as a guest bedroom.

So in more modern terms, Solomon is basically saying that its better to live out in the guesthouse than in a home with a quarrelsome spouse. That word “quarrelsome” basically refers to someone who is always ready for a fight. This person is an argument waiting to happen. I hope that doesn’t characterize you, but we’re all like that to a certain extent. We all have our limits, don’t we? We all have things that can set us off. Some of us will lose our cool and throw a tantrum, and others of us will shift into “cold war” mode and refuse to make eye contact with the other person the rest of the day.

When we make choices to respond like that, we make home life almost unbearable for the other person. The home is supposed to be a sanctuary, an escape from all the troubles and battles of life. But when we bring those battles into the home by choosing to be contentious and argumentative, that peacefulness evaporates until we kick those sinful choices out the door.

Solomon makes a very similar statement in 21:19 when he says, [READ 21:19]. It wouldn’t be very comfortable to live in a desert, but at least there you could get some peace and quiet! We must not destroy the environment of the home through sinful choices. Fighting will cause peace to move out, and when peace is gone a home is a very empty place.

IV. Understand that a peaceful family life is better than wealth with hatred

Nothing is worth more than peaceful and loving relationships in your family. Let’s read Prov. 15:17 [READ 15:17]. In today’s terms we might say that a salad dressed with love is better than steak with a side of hatred. Prov. 17:1 spells out the same idea [READ 17:1].

In each of these verses, two families are compared according to two criteria—the wealth or affluence of the family, and the quality of their relationships. The first family in each verse is getting along with humble means, whereas the second family is enjoying the so-called “finer things in life.” Solomon then assigns either love or hatred to their relationships to make a point that can be stated one of two ways—we can say that wealth will never compensate for a lack of love in a family, or we can flip it around and say that love will more than make up for any lack of material things in the home.

Now Solomon is not saying that wealthy families are more likely to hate each other or that poor families are more likely to love each other. He is simply saying that if we have to choose between loving relationships in the home or wealth in the home, loving relationships win every time.

So this lesson, then, should shape the priorities that we set for our homes. Our top priority should be to cultivate peaceful, loving relationships in our homes. That goal should be second to none, but these proverbs warn us about the danger of allowing our families to suffer as we pursue wealth.

This is a lesson that our culture really does not understand today. In a survey conducted for a life insurance company, 35 percent of respondents said that lack of family time is the most important reason for the decline in family values. However, despite their expressed desire for more family time, two-thirds of those surveyed say they would probably accept a job that required more time away from home if it offered higher income or greater prestige.1

Where’s the logic in this? Two-thirds said they would probably sacrifice more family time for more money even though half of those people said that lack of family time was the biggest threat to their family! Somewhere along the line we have bought into the lie that we can rob our children of the time and effort it takes to build love and yet somehow pay it back to them with designer clothes and a fancy car! Friends, clothes from The Gap will never fill the gap in your child’s heart if you sacrifice your relationship with them to pursue wealth. Whatever you gain materially, you will lose even more emotionally if you leave behind a lack of peace and love in your home.

As human beings, we are all someone’s child, and many of us are also someone’s spouse, and someone’s parent. We all have much to gain or much to lose depending on how we handle our family relationships. Solomon was a man who saw this first-hand in his own family. His father, King David, was a very wealthy man, but David made some choices that brought violence and hatred into his home, which undoubtedly grieved him the rest of his life. So let’s learn from a man who has lived through some of these things and take his godly advice to heart.


1. Moody Monthly, December, 1989, p. 72.
From http://bible.org/illustration/greatest-threat-family
Accessed 4/4/11

God: The Wisest of the Wise--Proverbs series

According to the biblical record, King Solomon was the wisest and most powerful king of his time—perhaps of all time. We have this conclusion from no less an authority than God himself. Early in King Solomon’s reign, God appeared to him and basically gave him a blank check. He simply said to Solomon, “Ask what you wish Me to give you.” You may know this story already—Solomon decided to ask for wisdom, and in response God said, “Behold, I give you a wise and discerning mind, so that none like you has been before you and none like you shall arise after you. I give you also what you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that no other king shall compare with you, all your days” (1 Kings 3:12–13).

We’ve been studying the words of this wise man for several months now in the book of Proverbs, and I think we certainly have seen some keen and penetrating insights into life. But perhaps the quality that truly made Solomon the wisest man around was that he acknowledged that God was even wiser! Solomon said this and more about God in the book of Proverbs, and today we’re going to study what this book teaches us about our Creator.

This subject is one that is of no small importance. Pastor A. W. Tozer once wrote, “What comes to our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us. Worship is pure or [impure] as the worshiper entertains high or low thoughts of God. For this reason the gravest question before the Church is always God Himself, and the most [important] fact about any man is not what he at a given time may say or do, but what he in his deep heart conceives God to be like. We tend by a secret law of the soul to move toward our mental image of God.”1 If this is true, then let’s allow Proverbs to clarify our mental image of God today!

What does Proverbs teach us about God?

I. God Knows Our Actions And Attitudes

This is a lesson that we teach our youngest Sunday School kids, but a man as wise as Solomon felt it was important enough to mention. Look at Prov. 15:3 [READ 15:3]. Here we are told that God watches everyone and takes note of our actions. Notice something about God’s knowledge here—His knowledge is first-hand knowledge. He doesn’t have to rely on someone else to tell Him what is going on—He observes everything first-hand, so there’s no possibility that a messenger got the story wrong or that details were left out.

Compare this with the knowledge of someone like the President of the United States. Our president has a tremendous amount of information available to him, but that’s only because we have a network of people around the world that collect information for him. Ambassadors, spies, our government allies—all of these people make information available to him, but this is nothing like God’s knowledge. God doesn’t need anyone to inform Him of anything. As Paul wrote in Romans 11:34, “Who has been his counselor?”

But God not only knows our actions—He knows our attitudes as well. He not only has an external knowledge of us, but an internal knowledge as well. Let’s read Prov. 15:11 [READ 15:11]. These two words—Sheol and Abaddon—are simply Hebrew words spelled out in English letters. So the first part of what I just read from the English Standard Version isn’t actually a translation—they just brought the Hebrew words into English in order to leave the interpreting up to us. Now some translations say, “hell and destruction,” and others say, “death and destruction.” I think “death and destruction” would be more accurate because the idea of sheol is not exactly the same as the idea of hell; its basically the idea of the grave or the afterlife. The destruction mentioned here would probably refer to the decomposition of the physical body in the grave.

But the basic idea of this verse is very clear—if even the grave and the afterlife are known to God, then how much more does He know our hearts!

But apparently God doesn’t just know our hearts—it seems that He actually knows them better than we do! Turn to Prov. 21:2 [READ 21:2]. This verse touches on the potential that we have for deceiving ourselves. We can convince ourselves that we are right in basically any situation—even when we’re doing something sinful! We can convince ourselves that we have some kind of special exception in certain cases. We can justify virtually any kind of behavior, but God sees the reality of things. He understands our true motives when we may not even understand them. God revealed the same message to the prophet Jeremiah when He said, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds” (Jer. 17:9–10).

The application that we should take from all of this has both a challenge and an encouragement to it. The challenge is that we must not think that we can hide anything from God. He knows us better than we know us, so how could we hide something from Him? The encouragement is to remember that God doesn’t miss anything that happens to us. If someone hurts us or robs us of justice, God knows! If we are dealing with fear or deep emotional wounds, God knows! He knows, and He is there for us.

But not only does God know all things…

II. God Is In Control Over All Things

We see a lot of turmoil and upheaval in our world right now, but be assured that our world does not operate by chance or simply by the whims of human beings. God, the Creator, is still in control over His creation. Look at Prov. 16:9 [READ 16:9]. Verses like this strike a blow at our pride, don’t they? Now, there’s nothing wrong with planning, but as the old poem says, “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry,” and that’s because we’re not ultimately in control! We can make all the plans we want, and have every detail accounted for, but ultimately it is God who determines what actually happens. History has rightly been called “His-story,” because God is the author.

Now, common people like ourselves can certainly understand that we’re not in control, because we’re used to being effected by things that are out of our control—like the economy, or the weather, or international politics. But surely this lesson wouldn’t apply to a king, would it? Who has more control than a king? Well, let’s read Prov. 21:1 [READ 21:1]. I love the picture of ease that comes through in this verse. It’s like when you water your lawn. It’s not hard—you just turn the water on, and turn the water off, however you please. And if you want more water in a certain spot, you just move the sprinkler. Aside from maybe a little walking, its as easy as can be!

That’s what God’s control over the most powerful people in the world is like! Its not difficult for Him; its really very easy. He just directs their hearts any way He wants!

Now this lesson brings up all sorts of questions for us that we really cannot completely answer. Some of these are philosophical questions, like “How do our choices play into God’s control?” or “If God is in control, do we really determine our own destiny?” But some of these questions are much more personal and even painful, such as “If God is in control, why do bad things happen in my life?” As I said, I don’t think we have a complete answer for this question, but I do think that our next lesson gives us at least a partial answer.

III. God Works To Purify Our Hearts

One of the purposes behind everything that God allows is to remove the impurities of sin from our hearts. Notice what Prov. 17:3 has to say [READ 17:3]. You probably know that when silver and gold are mined out of the earth, they don’t come out of the ground ready to be formed into jewelry. Because of geological and chemical processes, they are often bonded with rock and other materials, so they are put through a refining process to separate the precious metals from everything else—to purify the silver and the gold and thus reveal their true beauty and quality.

According to Prov. 17:3, God puts our hearts through a similar process. The contamination of sin is thorough within our lives, so that even our hearts are corrupted. Thus, even our most noble and godly desires may be bonded together with impure motives, goals, or aspirations. And so as God sovereignly directs our lives, part of His design is to melt away these impurities that pollute our hearts.

This purifying process is what Paul had in mind in Romans 8:28 when he wrote, “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” And the good result that Paul had in mind is defined in verse 29: “For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.” There’s the goal; there’s the point of this whole process—that we might be conformed to the image of Christ, so that we can be faithful representatives for Him today and become joint-heirs with Him (Rom. 8:17) as servant-leaders in His coming kingdom on earth.

Now I do not mean to minimize the pain that any of you have endured through the circumstances of your life, because that pain is very real and it can be very intense. Let’s face it—when we talk about being purified by God and compare it to gold being melted in a furnace, that doesn’t sound entirely pleasant, does it? I’m sure if gold could talk, it would probably scream as its being refined. Sometimes that’s where we find ourselves—screaming and crying out to God to put an end to all the pain. But please remember the final product, my friends. If you allow God to purify you, you have that moment to look forward to when Jesus will say, “Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of your master.” That’s why Paul could say, “Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison” (2 Cor. 4:16). Don’t lose hope as God shapes you to be more like His Son.

IV. God Desires Obedience From Us More Than Religious Formalities

One of the reasons that God purifies us is so that we will offer Him obedience from the heart rather than just go through the motions of religious activity. Turn with me to Prov. 21:3 [READ 21:3]. This verse expresses a consistent theme of the Old Testament—God certainly did want the people to offer sacrifices, but He wanted the worship that flowed from the people to be consistent with the rest of their lives. He wanted their obedience first and foremost, and then their worship was to be simply one more expression of a life of obedience.

It is far too easy to go through the motions of worshipping God and not follow through with a lifestyle of worship. In corners of the world like Montezuma, KS, we often find what we might simply call “countryanity.” Countryanity is the basic religious mindset in many rural areas. It embraces a strong tradition of going to church, but sometimes it means little more than that. We hear this loud and clear in a lot of country music. The basic religious worldview of country music sounds something like this: “Yeah, I may get drunk and chase cowgirls over at the honky-tonk on Saturday night, but I’m in the front row at church on Sunday morning singing old-time gospel hymns at the top of my lungs.” Well, I don’t think “hymns with a hangover” is quite what God desires from us. He’ll take the hymns, but the hangover He can do without. He is pleased with our worship when it flows from a life of faithfulness and obedience.

And in light of what we’ve learned about our God today, how can we give Him anything less? If we simply give the Lord half-hearted obedience and worship, who do we really think He is? Do we truly think of Him as the God who knows all things and controls all things and who works to purify us, or do we think of Him as some kind of optional accessory in our lives? To quote A. W. Tozer again, he said, “We tend by a secret law of the soul to move toward our mental image of God.” What does the direction of your life say about your mental image of God? We would be wise to take a cue from a man of wisdom like Solomon and make sure that we think of God the way He truly is—the King of all things, who works for our good and His glory.


1. A. W. Tozer, The Knowledge of the Holy, (San Francisco CA, HarperSanFrancisco, 1961) Pg. 1. Updated wording in brackets is mine. The original words are “base” and “portentous.”